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One cubic foot less of space and it would have constituted adultery.

Robert Benchley

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Robert Benchley
Age: 56 †
Born: 1889
Born: September 15
Died: 1945
Died: November 21
Actor
Humorist
Journalist
Screenwriter
Worcester
Massachusetts
Would
Constituted
Adultery
Foot
Humor
Feet
Space
Less
Funny
Cubic

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A man may take care of a furnace for twenty-five years and still forget to duck his head when he starts going down the cellar stairs.
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A freelance is one who gets paid by the word -- per piece or perhaps.
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We are constantly being surprised that people did things well before we were born.
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If Shakespeare were alive today and writing comedy for the movies, he would be the head-liner for the Mack Sennett studios.
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It was one of those plays in which all of the actors unfortunately enunciated very clearly.
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I have often wondered how they manage to get return envelopes which miss, by one-quarter of an inch, fitting the blank you are supposed to return. They say, Please fill out and return the enclosed envelope, and the enclosed envelope is always one-quarter of an inch too small.
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But compared with the task of selecting a piece of French pastry held by an impatient waiter a move in chess is like reaching for a salary check in its demand on the contemplative faculties.
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There is probably no more obnoxious class of citizen, taken end for end, than the returning vacationist.
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Anything can happen, but it usually doesn't.
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Work is a form of nervousness.
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A real hangover is nothing to try out family remedies on. The only cure for a real hangover is death.
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If there is a streak of ham anywhere in an actor, Shakespeare will bring it out.
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Most of the arguments to which I am party fall somewhat short of being impressive, owing to the fact that neither I nor my opponent knows what we are talking about.
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One of the great natural phenomena is the way in which a tube of toothpaste suddenly empties itself when it hears that you are planning a trip, so that when you come to pack it is just a twisted shell of its former self, with not even a cubic millimeter left to be squeezed out.
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I am both a public and a private school boy myself, having always changed schools just as the class in English in the new school was taking up Silas Marner, with the result that it was the only book in the English language that I knew until I was eighteen--but, boy, did I know Silas Marner!
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I don't want to be an alarmist, but I think that the Younger Generation is up to something.... I base my apprehension on nothing more definite than the fact that they are always coming in and going out of the house, without any apparent reason.
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In America there are two classes of travel - first class, and with children.
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Central Park is the grandiose symbol of the front yard each child in New York hasn't got.
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Except for an occasional heart attack I feel as young as I ever did.
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