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One cubic foot less of space and it would have constituted adultery.

Robert Benchley

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Robert Benchley
Age: 56 †
Born: 1889
Born: September 15
Died: 1945
Died: November 21
Actor
Humorist
Journalist
Screenwriter
Worcester
Massachusetts
Feet
Space
Less
Funny
Cubic
Would
Constituted
Adultery
Foot
Humor

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We call ourselves a free nation, and yet we let ourselves be told what cabs we can and can't take by a man at a hotel door, simply because he has a drum major's uniform on.
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You want to go easy on the suicide stuff - first thing you know, you'll ruin your health.
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At fifteen one is first beginning to realize that everything isn't money and power in this world, and is casting about for joys that do not turn to dross in one's hands.
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The only cure for a real hangover is death.
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This is a test. It is only a test. Had it been an actual job, you would have received raises, promotions, and other signs of appreciation.
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In America there are two classes of travel - first class, and with children.
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I know I'm drinking myself to a slow death, but then I'm in no hurry.
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Drinking makes such fools of people, and people are such fools to begin with that it's compounding a felony.
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There are two ways to travel, first class or with children.
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Sunday morning may be cheery enough, with its extra cup of coffee and litter of Sunday newspapers, but there is always hanging over it the ominous threat of 3 P.M., when the sun gets around to the back windows and life stops dead in its tracks.
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Central Park is the grandiose symbol of the front yard each child in New York hasn't got.
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A real hangover is nothing to try out family remedies on. The only cure for a real hangover is death.
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Sheer madness is, of course, the highest possible brow in humor.
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I am both a public and a private school boy myself, having always changed schools just as the class in English in the new school was taking up Silas Marner, with the result that it was the only book in the English language that I knew until I was eighteen--but, boy, did I know Silas Marner!
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But compared with the task of selecting a piece of French pastry held by an impatient waiter a move in chess is like reaching for a salary check in its demand on the contemplative faculties.
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All laughter is a muscular rigidity spasmodically relieved by involuntary twitching.
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An ardent supporter of the hometown team should go to a game prepared to take offense, no matter what happens.
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Anyone can do any amount of work, provided it isn't the work he is supposed be doing at that moment.
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I once heard of a murderer who propped his two victims up against a chess board in sporting attitudes and was able to get as far as Seattle before his crime was discovered.
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The surest way to make a monkey of a man is to quote him.
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