Quote

But compared with the task of selecting a piece of French pastry held by an impatient waiter a move in chess is like reaching for a salary check in its demand on the contemplative faculties.

Robert Benchley

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Robert Benchley
Age: 56 †
Born: 1889
Born: September 15
Died: 1945
Died: November 21
Actor
Humorist
Journalist
Screenwriter
Worcester
Massachusetts
Moving
Task
Salary
Like
Chess
Impatient
Held
Check
Pastry
Tasks
Compared
Pastries
Piece
Faculty
Selecting
Demand
Checks
Contemplative
Pieces
French
Waiter
Move
Reaching
Faculties

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One of the great natural phenomena is the way in which a tube of toothpaste suddenly empties itself when it hears that you are planning a trip, so that when you come to pack it is just a twisted shell of its former self, with not even a cubic millimeter left to be squeezed out.
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This is a test. It is only a test. Had it been an actual job, you would have received raises, promotions, and other signs of appreciation.
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Drinking makes such fools of people, and people are such fools to begin with that it's compounding a felony.
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If you look at eggs, you will see that each one is almost round but not quite ... Nature's way of distinguishing eggs from large golf balls.
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It was one of those plays in which all of the actors unfortunately enunciated very clearly.
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What is to be done with people who can't read a Sunday paper without messing it all up?... Show me a Sunday paper which has been left in a condition fit only for kite flying, and I will show you an antisocial and dangerous character who has left it that way.
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Central Park is the grandiose symbol of the front yard each child in New York hasn't got.
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One of the easiest forms of pretense to break down is the pretense of enthusiasm for exotic foods. Just bring on the exotic foods.
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Tell us your phobias and we will tell you what you are afraid of
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Streets full of water. Please Advise.
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In America there are two classes of travel - first class, and with children.
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In Milwaukee last month a man died laughing over one of his own jokes. That's what makes it so tough for us outsiders. We have to fight home competition.
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Most of the arguments to which I am party fall somewhat short of being impressive, owing to the fact that neither I nor my opponent knows what we are talking about.
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One cubic foot less of space and it would have constituted adultery.
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We call ourselves a free nation, and yet we let ourselves be told what cabs we can and can't take by a man at a hotel door, simply because he has a drum major's uniform on.
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A freelance is one who gets paid by the word -- per piece or perhaps.
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A dog teaches a boy fidelity, perseverance, and to turn around three times before lying down.
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The knocking out of a pipe can be made almost as important as the smoking of it, especially if there are nervous people in the room. A good, smart knock of a pipe against a tin wastebasket and you will have a neurasthenic out of his chair and into the window sash in no time.
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There is probably no more obnoxious class of citizen, taken end for end, than the returning vacationist.
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There seems to be a common strain of miserliness in the American people when it comes to throwing away toothpaste tubes which havea little left in the bottom.
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