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There seems to be a common strain of miserliness in the American people when it comes to throwing away toothpaste tubes which havea little left in the bottom.
Robert Benchley
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Robert Benchley
Age: 56 †
Born: 1889
Born: September 15
Died: 1945
Died: November 21
Actor
Humorist
Journalist
Screenwriter
Worcester
Massachusetts
Comes
Miserliness
Left
Toothpaste
Away
Tubes
Seems
Strain
Littles
Throwing
Little
Bottom
People
American
Common
More quotes by Robert Benchley
Sheer madness is, of course, the highest possible brow in humor.
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I am pretty sure that, if you will be quite honest, you will admit that a good rousing sneeze, one that tears open your collar and throws your hair into your eyes, is really one of life's sensational pleasures.
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People who begin sentences with I may be old-fashioned but-- are usually not only old-fashioned but wrong. I never thought the time would come when I should catch myself leading off with that crack. But I feel it coming on right now.
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What is to be done with people who can't read a Sunday paper without messing it all up?... Show me a Sunday paper which has been left in a condition fit only for kite flying, and I will show you an antisocial and dangerous character who has left it that way.
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In America there are two classes of travel - first class, and with children.
Robert Benchley
Streets full of water. Please Advise.
Robert Benchley
But compared with the task of selecting a piece of French pastry held by an impatient waiter a move in chess is like reaching for a salary check in its demand on the contemplative faculties.
Robert Benchley
One of the great natural phenomena is the way in which a tube of toothpaste suddenly empties itself when it hears that you are planning a trip, so that when you come to pack it is just a twisted shell of its former self, with not even a cubic millimeter left to be squeezed out.
Robert Benchley
The surest way to make a monkey of a man is to quote him.
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There is probably no more obnoxious class of citizen, taken end for end, than the returning vacationist.
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There are several ways to apportion the family income, all of them unsatisfactory.
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A child of three cannot raise its chubby fist to its mouth to remove a piece of carpet which it is through eating, without being made the subject of a psychological seminar of child-welfare experts, and written up, along with five hundred other children of three who have put their hands to their mouths for the same reason.
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She sleeps alone at last.
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If Mr. Einstein doesn't like the natural laws of the universe, let him go back to where he came from.
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A man may take care of a furnace for twenty-five years and still forget to duck his head when he starts going down the cellar stairs.
Robert Benchley
Drinking makes such fools of people, and people are such fools to begin with that it's compounding a felony.
Robert Benchley
Drawing on my fine command of the English language, I said nothing.
Robert Benchley
Every boy should have two things: a dog and a mother who lets him have one
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Work is a form of nervousness.
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A real hangover is nothing to try out family remedies on. The only cure for a real hangover is death.
Robert Benchley