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There seems to be a common strain of miserliness in the American people when it comes to throwing away toothpaste tubes which havea little left in the bottom.
Robert Benchley
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Robert Benchley
Age: 56 †
Born: 1889
Born: September 15
Died: 1945
Died: November 21
Actor
Humorist
Journalist
Screenwriter
Worcester
Massachusetts
Common
Comes
Miserliness
Left
Toothpaste
Away
Tubes
Seems
Strain
Littles
Throwing
Little
Bottom
People
American
More quotes by Robert Benchley
There are several ways to apportion the family income, all of them unsatisfactory.
Robert Benchley
I know I'm drinking myself to a slow death, but then I'm in no hurry.
Robert Benchley
This congestion in the post offices is due to what are technically known as regulations but what are really a series of acrostics and anagrams devised by some officials who got around a table one night and tried to be funny.
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Next to an old-fashioned church social, or possibly a monster bridge party, there is no buzz which can equal the sibilant buzz ofa matinée.
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In preparing the soil for planting, you will need several tools. Dynamite would be a beautiful thing to use, but it would have a tendency to get the dirt into the front-hall and track up the stairs.
Robert Benchley
I have often wondered how they manage to get return envelopes which miss, by one-quarter of an inch, fitting the blank you are supposed to return. They say, Please fill out and return the enclosed envelope, and the enclosed envelope is always one-quarter of an inch too small.
Robert Benchley
My only solution for the problem of habitual accidents is to stay in bed all day. Even then, there is always the chance that you will fall out.
Robert Benchley
If Mr. Einstein doesn't like the natural laws of the universe, let him go back to where he came from.
Robert Benchley
One of the easiest forms of pretense to break down is the pretense of enthusiasm for exotic foods. Just bring on the exotic foods.
Robert Benchley
Most personal correspondence of today consists of letters the first half of which are given over to an indexed statement of why the writer hasn't written before, followed by one paragraph of small talk, with the remainder devoted to reasons why it is imperative that the letter be brought to a close.
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The surest way to make a monkey of a man is to quote him. That remark in itself wouldn't make any sense if quoted as it stands.
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Tell us your phobias and we will tell you what you are afraid of
Robert Benchley
There are two ways to travel, first class or with children.
Robert Benchley
Anything can happen, but it usually doesn't.
Robert Benchley
If Shakespeare were alive today and writing comedy for the movies, he would be the head-liner for the Mack Sennett studios.
Robert Benchley
It was one of those plays in which all of the actors unfortunately enunciated very clearly.
Robert Benchley
A boy can learn a lot from a dog: obedience, loyalty, and the importance of turning around three times before lying down.
Robert Benchley
Every boy should have two things: a dog and a mother who lets him have one
Robert Benchley
One cubic foot less of space and it would have constituted adultery.
Robert Benchley
At fifteen one is first beginning to realize that everything isn't money and power in this world, and is casting about for joys that do not turn to dross in one's hands.
Robert Benchley