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A child of three cannot raise its chubby fist to its mouth to remove a piece of carpet which it is through eating, without being made the subject of a psychological seminar of child-welfare experts, and written up, along with five hundred other children of three who have put their hands to their mouths for the same reason.

Robert Benchley

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Robert Benchley
Age: 56 †
Born: 1889
Born: September 15
Died: 1945
Died: November 21
Actor
Humorist
Journalist
Screenwriter
Worcester
Massachusetts
Seminar
Five
Childhood
Psychological
Chubby
Three
Eating
Raise
Seminars
Hands
Subjects
Welfare
Fist
Cannot
Hundred
Mouth
Fists
Reason
Along
Raises
Carpet
Without
Pieces
Mouths
Experts
Children
Written
Piece
Made
Child
Subject
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Drawing on my fine command of the English language, I said nothing.
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If Mr. Einstein doesn't like the natural laws of the universe, let him go back to where he came from.
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Drinking makes such fools of people, and people are such fools to begin with that it's compounding a felony.
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This congestion in the post offices is due to what are technically known as regulations but what are really a series of acrostics and anagrams devised by some officials who got around a table one night and tried to be funny.
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It has always seemed to me that the most difficult part of building a bridge would be the start.
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Work is a form of nervousness.
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There are several ways to apportion the family income, all of them unsatisfactory.
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The naturalistic literature of this country has reached such a state that no family of characters is considered true to life whichdoes not include at least two hypochondriacs, one sadist, and one old man who spills food down the front of his vest.
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One of the easiest forms of pretense to break down is the pretense of enthusiasm for exotic foods. Just bring on the exotic foods.
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My only solution for the problem of habitual accidents is to stay in bed all day. Even then, there is always the chance that you will fall out.
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I am pretty sure that, if you will be quite honest, you will admit that a good rousing sneeze, one that tears open your collar and throws your hair into your eyes, is really one of life's sensational pleasures.
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Tell us your phobias and we will tell you what you are afraid of
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The knocking out of a pipe can be made almost as important as the smoking of it, especially if there are nervous people in the room. A good, smart knock of a pipe against a tin wastebasket and you will have a neurasthenic out of his chair and into the window sash in no time.
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A boy can learn a lot from a dog: obedience, loyalty, and the importance of turning around three times before lying down.
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Who has not wished that his host would come out frankly at the beginning of the visit and state, in no uncertain terms, the rulesand preferences of the household in such matters as the breakfast hour? And who has not sounded out his guest to find out what he likes in the regulation of his diet and modus vivendi (mode of living)?
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Except for an occasional heart attack I feel as young as I ever did.
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Anyone can do any amount of work, provided it isn't the work he is supposed be doing at that moment.
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I have often wondered how they manage to get return envelopes which miss, by one-quarter of an inch, fitting the blank you are supposed to return. They say, Please fill out and return the enclosed envelope, and the enclosed envelope is always one-quarter of an inch too small.
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There is probably no more obnoxious class of citizen, taken end for end, than the returning vacationist.
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Streets full of water. Please Advise.
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