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I never liked bananas much anyway. Two-thirds of the way down even one banana I am willing to concede defeat smilingly and give the rest to the nearest monkey.
Robert Benchley
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Robert Benchley
Age: 56 †
Born: 1889
Born: September 15
Died: 1945
Died: November 21
Actor
Humorist
Journalist
Screenwriter
Worcester
Massachusetts
Way
Eating
Nearest
Never
Rest
Bananas
Willing
Monkey
Two
Monkeys
Give
Anyway
Giving
Thirds
Even
Liked
Concede
Much
Defeat
Banana
More quotes by Robert Benchley
Every boy should have two things: a dog and a mother who lets him have one
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Drinking makes such fools of people, and people are such fools to begin with that it's compounding a felony.
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Except for an occasional heart attack I feel as young as I ever did.
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Tell us your phobias and we will tell you what you are afraid of
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If you look at eggs, you will see that each one is almost round but not quite ... Nature's way of distinguishing eggs from large golf balls.
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An ardent supporter of the hometown team should go to a game prepared to take offense, no matter what happens.
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This is a test. It is only a test. Had it been an actual job, you would have received raises, promotions, and other signs of appreciation.
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In America there are two classes of travel - first class, and with children.
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I know I'm drinking myself to a slow death, but then I'm in no hurry.
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One of the great natural phenomena is the way in which a tube of toothpaste suddenly empties itself when it hears that you are planning a trip, so that when you come to pack it is just a twisted shell of its former self, with not even a cubic millimeter left to be squeezed out.
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The only cure for a real hangover is death.
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Streets flooded. Please advise.
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A real hangover is nothing to try out family remedies on. The only cure for a real hangover is death.
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There are two ways to travel, first class or with children.
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There are several ways to apportion the family income, all of them unsatisfactory.
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You won't find one fish in a million that has enough sense to come in when it rains.
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The knocking out of a pipe can be made almost as important as the smoking of it, especially if there are nervous people in the room. A good, smart knock of a pipe against a tin wastebasket and you will have a neurasthenic out of his chair and into the window sash in no time.
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In preparing the soil for planting, you will need several tools. Dynamite would be a beautiful thing to use, but it would have a tendency to get the dirt into the front-hall and track up the stairs.
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I once heard of a murderer who propped his two victims up against a chess board in sporting attitudes and was able to get as far as Seattle before his crime was discovered.
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The art of cursing people seems to have lost its tang since the old days when a good malediction took four deep breaths to deliverand sent the outfielders scurrying toward the fence to field.
Robert Benchley