Quote

One of the great natural phenomena is the way in which a tube of toothpaste suddenly empties itself when it hears that you are planning a trip, so that when you come to pack it is just a twisted shell of its former self, with not even a cubic millimeter left to be squeezed out.

Robert Benchley

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Robert Benchley
Age: 56 †
Born: 1889
Born: September 15
Died: 1945
Died: November 21
Actor
Humorist
Journalist
Screenwriter
Worcester
Massachusetts
Come
Shells
Tube
Self
Trip
Tubes
Great
Planning
Hears
Even
Former
Shell
Cubic
Way
Suddenly
Pack
Millimeter
Travel
Packs
Empties
Natural
Phenomena
Toothpaste
Left
Twisted
Squeezed

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The discovery of phobias by psychiatrists has done much to clear the atmosphere. Whereas in the old days a person would say: 'Let's get the heck out of here!' today she says: 'Let's get the heck out of here! I've got claustrophobia.
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In preparing the soil for planting, you will need several tools. Dynamite would be a beautiful thing to use, but it would have a tendency to get the dirt into the front-hall and track up the stairs.
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She sleeps alone at last.
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I know I'm drinking myself to a slow death, but then I'm in no hurry.
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Drawing on my fine command of the English language, I said nothing.
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Tell us your phobias and we will tell you what you are afraid of
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But compared with the task of selecting a piece of French pastry held by an impatient waiter a move in chess is like reaching for a salary check in its demand on the contemplative faculties.
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What is to be done with people who can't read a Sunday paper without messing it all up?... Show me a Sunday paper which has been left in a condition fit only for kite flying, and I will show you an antisocial and dangerous character who has left it that way.
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Sheer madness is, of course, the highest possible brow in humor.
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If you look at eggs, you will see that each one is almost round but not quite ... Nature's way of distinguishing eggs from large golf balls.
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Most of the arguments to which I am party fall somewhat short of being impressive, owing to the fact that neither I nor my opponent knows what we are talking about.
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There is a note in the front of the volume saying that no public reading may be given without first getting the author's permission. It ought to be made much more difficult to do than that.
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It has always seemed to me that the most difficult part of building a bridge would be the start.
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There is probably no more obnoxious class of citizen, taken end for end, than the returning vacationist.
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If there is a streak of ham anywhere in an actor, Shakespeare will bring it out.
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There are several ways to apportion the family income, all of them unsatisfactory.
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I have often wondered how they manage to get return envelopes which miss, by one-quarter of an inch, fitting the blank you are supposed to return. They say, Please fill out and return the enclosed envelope, and the enclosed envelope is always one-quarter of an inch too small.
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