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If Shakespeare were alive today and writing comedy for the movies, he would be the head-liner for the Mack Sennett studios.

Robert Benchley

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Robert Benchley
Age: 56 †
Born: 1889
Born: September 15
Died: 1945
Died: November 21
Actor
Humorist
Journalist
Screenwriter
Worcester
Massachusetts
Studios
Movies
Comedy
Head
Alive
Today
Liner
Writing
Mack
Would
Shakespeare

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There is a note in the front of the volume saying that no public reading may be given without first getting the author's permission. It ought to be made much more difficult to do than that.
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People who begin sentences with I may be old-fashioned but-- are usually not only old-fashioned but wrong. I never thought the time would come when I should catch myself leading off with that crack. But I feel it coming on right now.
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There is no doubt that every healthy, normal boy...should own a dog at some time in his life, preferably between the ages of forty-five and fifty.
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You won't find one fish in a million that has enough sense to come in when it rains.
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Tell us your phobias and we will tell you what you are afraid of
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A man may take care of a furnace for twenty-five years and still forget to duck his head when he starts going down the cellar stairs.
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There are several ways to apportion the family income, all of them unsatisfactory.
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Work is a form of nervousness.
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Next to a shot of some good, habit-forming narcotic, there is nothing like travelling alone as a 'builder-upper.
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Drinking makes such fools of people, and people are such fools to begin with that it's compounding a felony.
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Every boy should have two things: a dog and a mother who lets him have one
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One cubic foot less of space and it would have constituted adultery.
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The knocking out of a pipe can be made almost as important as the smoking of it, especially if there are nervous people in the room. A good, smart knock of a pipe against a tin wastebasket and you will have a neurasthenic out of his chair and into the window sash in no time.
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All laughter is a muscular rigidity spasmodically relieved by involuntary twitching.
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I am both a public and a private school boy myself, having always changed schools just as the class in English in the new school was taking up Silas Marner, with the result that it was the only book in the English language that I knew until I was eighteen--but, boy, did I know Silas Marner!
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We are constantly being surprised that people did things well before we were born.
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The surest way to make a monkey of a man is to quote him.
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At fifteen one is first beginning to realize that everything isn't money and power in this world, and is casting about for joys that do not turn to dross in one's hands.
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A freelance is one who gets paid by the word -- per piece or perhaps.
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Sheer madness is, of course, the highest possible brow in humor.
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