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People who begin sentences with I may be old-fashioned but-- are usually not only old-fashioned but wrong. I never thought the time would come when I should catch myself leading off with that crack. But I feel it coming on right now.
Robert Benchley
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Robert Benchley
Age: 56 †
Born: 1889
Born: September 15
Died: 1945
Died: November 21
Actor
Humorist
Journalist
Screenwriter
Worcester
Massachusetts
Come
Aging
Right
Sentences
Feel
Begin
Feels
Usually
Fashioned
Never
Coming
Crack
Would
Wrong
Cracks
Time
Thought
Leading
People
May
Catch
More quotes by Robert Benchley
One cubic foot less of space and it would have constituted adultery.
Robert Benchley
I am both a public and a private school boy myself, having always changed schools just as the class in English in the new school was taking up Silas Marner, with the result that it was the only book in the English language that I knew until I was eighteen--but, boy, did I know Silas Marner!
Robert Benchley
In America there are two classes of travel - first class, and with children.
Robert Benchley
I am pretty sure that, if you will be quite honest, you will admit that a good rousing sneeze, one that tears open your collar and throws your hair into your eyes, is really one of life's sensational pleasures.
Robert Benchley
Streets full of water. Please Advise.
Robert Benchley
There are two ways to travel, first class or with children.
Robert Benchley
In preparing the soil for planting, you will need several tools. Dynamite would be a beautiful thing to use, but it would have a tendency to get the dirt into the front-hall and track up the stairs.
Robert Benchley
You won't find one fish in a million that has enough sense to come in when it rains.
Robert Benchley
I never liked bananas much anyway. Two-thirds of the way down even one banana I am willing to concede defeat smilingly and give the rest to the nearest monkey.
Robert Benchley
It was one of those plays in which all of the actors unfortunately enunciated very clearly.
Robert Benchley
I once heard of a murderer who propped his two victims up against a chess board in sporting attitudes and was able to get as far as Seattle before his crime was discovered.
Robert Benchley
Most of the arguments to which I am party fall somewhat short of being impressive, owing to the fact that neither I nor my opponent knows what we are talking about.
Robert Benchley
The surest way to make a monkey of a man is to quote him. That remark in itself wouldn't make any sense if quoted as it stands.
Robert Benchley
I have often wondered how they manage to get return envelopes which miss, by one-quarter of an inch, fitting the blank you are supposed to return. They say, Please fill out and return the enclosed envelope, and the enclosed envelope is always one-quarter of an inch too small.
Robert Benchley
A dog teaches a boy fidelity, perseverance, and to turn around three times before lying down.
Robert Benchley
Anyone can do any amount of work, provided it isn't the work he is supposed be doing at that moment.
Robert Benchley
Drawing on my fine command of the English language, I said nothing.
Robert Benchley
There seems to be a common strain of miserliness in the American people when it comes to throwing away toothpaste tubes which havea little left in the bottom.
Robert Benchley
If you look at eggs, you will see that each one is almost round but not quite ... Nature's way of distinguishing eggs from large golf balls.
Robert Benchley
There is no doubt that every healthy, normal boy...should own a dog at some time in his life, preferably between the ages of forty-five and fifty.
Robert Benchley