Quote

People who begin sentences with I may be old-fashioned but-- are usually not only old-fashioned but wrong. I never thought the time would come when I should catch myself leading off with that crack. But I feel it coming on right now.

Robert Benchley

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Robert Benchley
Age: 56 †
Born: 1889
Born: September 15
Died: 1945
Died: November 21
Actor
Humorist
Journalist
Screenwriter
Worcester
Massachusetts
Come
Aging
Right
Sentences
Feel
Begin
Feels
Usually
Fashioned
Never
Coming
Crack
Would
Wrong
Cracks
Time
Thought
Leading
People
May
Catch

More quotes by Robert Benchley

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Except for an occasional heart attack I feel as young as I ever did.
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It was one of those plays in which all of the actors unfortunately enunciated very clearly.
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A boy can learn a lot from a dog: obedience, loyalty, and the importance of turning around three times before lying down.
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I don't want to be an alarmist, but I think that the Younger Generation is up to something.... I base my apprehension on nothing more definite than the fact that they are always coming in and going out of the house, without any apparent reason.
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There is no doubt that every healthy, normal boy...should own a dog at some time in his life, preferably between the ages of forty-five and fifty.
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Next to a shot of some good, habit-forming narcotic, there is nothing like travelling alone as a 'builder-upper.
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If there is a streak of ham anywhere in an actor, Shakespeare will bring it out.
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I know I'm drinking myself to a slow death, but then I'm in no hurry.
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My only solution for the problem of habitual accidents is to stay in bed all day. Even then, there is always the chance that you will fall out.
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Sheer madness is, of course, the highest possible brow in humor.
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Drawing on my fine command of the English language, I said nothing.
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Anything can happen, but it usually doesn't.
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The knocking out of a pipe can be made almost as important as the smoking of it, especially if there are nervous people in the room. A good, smart knock of a pipe against a tin wastebasket and you will have a neurasthenic out of his chair and into the window sash in no time.
Robert Benchley
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I am pretty sure that, if you will be quite honest, you will admit that a good rousing sneeze, one that tears open your collar and throws your hair into your eyes, is really one of life's sensational pleasures.
Robert Benchley
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If you look at eggs, you will see that each one is almost round but not quite ... Nature's way of distinguishing eggs from large golf balls.
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The surest way to make a monkey of a man is to quote him.
Robert Benchley
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I once heard of a murderer who propped his two victims up against a chess board in sporting attitudes and was able to get as far as Seattle before his crime was discovered.
Robert Benchley
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The art of cursing people seems to have lost its tang since the old days when a good malediction took four deep breaths to deliverand sent the outfielders scurrying toward the fence to field.
Robert Benchley
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Central Park is the grandiose symbol of the front yard each child in New York hasn't got.
Robert Benchley
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A man gets on a train with his little boy, and gives the conductor only one ticket. 'How old's your kid?' the conductor says, and the father says, 'He's four years old.' 'He looks at least twelve to me,' says the conductor. And the father says, 'Can I help it if he worries?
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