Quote

My only solution for the problem of habitual accidents is to stay in bed all day. Even then, there is always the chance that you will fall out.

Robert Benchley

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Robert Benchley
Age: 56 †
Born: 1889
Born: September 15
Died: 1945
Died: November 21
Actor
Humorist
Journalist
Screenwriter
Worcester
Massachusetts
Stay
Chance
Fall
Problem
Habitual
Even
Solution
Always
Accidents
Bed
Solutions

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If there is a streak of ham anywhere in an actor, Shakespeare will bring it out.
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I am pretty sure that, if you will be quite honest, you will admit that a good rousing sneeze, one that tears open your collar and throws your hair into your eyes, is really one of life's sensational pleasures.
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Traveling with children corresponds roughly to traveling third class in Bulgaria.
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The knocking out of a pipe can be made almost as important as the smoking of it, especially if there are nervous people in the room. A good, smart knock of a pipe against a tin wastebasket and you will have a neurasthenic out of his chair and into the window sash in no time.
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In America there are two classes of travel - first class, and with children.
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You won't find one fish in a million that has enough sense to come in when it rains.
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Central Park is the grandiose symbol of the front yard each child in New York hasn't got.
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We are constantly being surprised that people did things well before we were born.
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All laughter is a muscular rigidity spasmodically relieved by involuntary twitching.
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There is probably no more obnoxious class of citizen, taken end for end, than the returning vacationist.
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Streets flooded. Please advise.
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Anyone can do any amount of work, provided it isn't the work he is supposed be doing at that moment.
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At fifteen one is first beginning to realize that everything isn't money and power in this world, and is casting about for joys that do not turn to dross in one's hands.
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There is a note in the front of the volume saying that no public reading may be given without first getting the author's permission. It ought to be made much more difficult to do than that.
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If Mr. Einstein doesn't like the natural laws of the universe, let him go back to where he came from.
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A boy can learn a lot from a dog: obedience, loyalty, and the importance of turning around three times before lying down.
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Who has not wished that his host would come out frankly at the beginning of the visit and state, in no uncertain terms, the rulesand preferences of the household in such matters as the breakfast hour? And who has not sounded out his guest to find out what he likes in the regulation of his diet and modus vivendi (mode of living)?
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An ardent supporter of the hometown team should go to a game prepared to take offense, no matter what happens.
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I once heard of a murderer who propped his two victims up against a chess board in sporting attitudes and was able to get as far as Seattle before his crime was discovered.
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The only cure for a real hangover is death.
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