Quote

My only solution for the problem of habitual accidents is to stay in bed all day. Even then, there is always the chance that you will fall out.

Robert Benchley

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Robert Benchley
Age: 56 †
Born: 1889
Born: September 15
Died: 1945
Died: November 21
Actor
Humorist
Journalist
Screenwriter
Worcester
Massachusetts
Fall
Problem
Habitual
Even
Solution
Always
Accidents
Bed
Solutions
Stay
Chance

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Drinking makes such fools of people, and people are such fools to begin with that it's compounding a felony.
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I know I'm drinking myself to a slow death, but then I'm in no hurry.
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If there is a streak of ham anywhere in an actor, Shakespeare will bring it out.
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But compared with the task of selecting a piece of French pastry held by an impatient waiter a move in chess is like reaching for a salary check in its demand on the contemplative faculties.
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I am both a public and a private school boy myself, having always changed schools just as the class in English in the new school was taking up Silas Marner, with the result that it was the only book in the English language that I knew until I was eighteen--but, boy, did I know Silas Marner!
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It was one of those plays in which all of the actors unfortunately enunciated very clearly.
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In preparing the soil for planting, you will need several tools. Dynamite would be a beautiful thing to use, but it would have a tendency to get the dirt into the front-hall and track up the stairs.
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All laughter is a muscular rigidity spasmodically relieved by involuntary twitching.
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If you look at eggs, you will see that each one is almost round but not quite ... Nature's way of distinguishing eggs from large golf balls.
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In America there are two classes of travel - first class, and with children.
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If Shakespeare were alive today and writing comedy for the movies, he would be the head-liner for the Mack Sennett studios.
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Even nowadays a man can't step up and kill a woman without feeling just a bit unchivalrous.
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Next to a shot of some good, habit-forming narcotic, there is nothing like travelling alone as a 'builder-upper.
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A real hangover is nothing to try out family remedies on. The only cure for a real hangover is death.
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Birds which are the same color as the foliage in which they nest are less likely to be disturbed by other birds who want to drop in and chat, and therefore last longer.
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Traveling with children corresponds roughly to traveling third class in Bulgaria.
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A boy can learn a lot from a dog: obedience, loyalty, and the importance of turning around three times before lying down.
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We call ourselves a free nation, and yet we let ourselves be told what cabs we can and can't take by a man at a hotel door, simply because he has a drum major's uniform on.
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I don't want to be an alarmist, but I think that the Younger Generation is up to something.... I base my apprehension on nothing more definite than the fact that they are always coming in and going out of the house, without any apparent reason.
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Streets full of water. Please Advise.
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