Quote

My only solution for the problem of habitual accidents is to stay in bed all day. Even then, there is always the chance that you will fall out.

Robert Benchley

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Robert Benchley
Age: 56 †
Born: 1889
Born: September 15
Died: 1945
Died: November 21
Actor
Humorist
Journalist
Screenwriter
Worcester
Massachusetts
Always
Accidents
Bed
Solutions
Stay
Chance
Fall
Problem
Habitual
Even
Solution

More quotes by Robert Benchley

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It has always seemed to me that the most difficult part of building a bridge would be the start.
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Tell us your phobias and we will tell you what you are afraid of
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I have often wondered how they manage to get return envelopes which miss, by one-quarter of an inch, fitting the blank you are supposed to return. They say, Please fill out and return the enclosed envelope, and the enclosed envelope is always one-quarter of an inch too small.
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People who begin sentences with I may be old-fashioned but-- are usually not only old-fashioned but wrong. I never thought the time would come when I should catch myself leading off with that crack. But I feel it coming on right now.
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I once heard of a murderer who propped his two victims up against a chess board in sporting attitudes and was able to get as far as Seattle before his crime was discovered.
Robert Benchley
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Streets flooded. Please advise.
Robert Benchley
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An ardent supporter of the hometown team should go to a game prepared to take offense, no matter what happens.
Robert Benchley
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In preparing the soil for planting, you will need several tools. Dynamite would be a beautiful thing to use, but it would have a tendency to get the dirt into the front-hall and track up the stairs.
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Anyone can do any amount of work, provided it isn't the work he is supposed be doing at that moment.
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There is probably no more obnoxious class of citizen, taken end for end, than the returning vacationist.
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One cubic foot less of space and it would have constituted adultery.
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All laughter is a muscular rigidity spasmodically relieved by involuntary twitching.
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Central Park is the grandiose symbol of the front yard each child in New York hasn't got.
Robert Benchley
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What is to be done with people who can't read a Sunday paper without messing it all up?... Show me a Sunday paper which has been left in a condition fit only for kite flying, and I will show you an antisocial and dangerous character who has left it that way.
Robert Benchley
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I am both a public and a private school boy myself, having always changed schools just as the class in English in the new school was taking up Silas Marner, with the result that it was the only book in the English language that I knew until I was eighteen--but, boy, did I know Silas Marner!
Robert Benchley
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I am pretty sure that, if you will be quite honest, you will admit that a good rousing sneeze, one that tears open your collar and throws your hair into your eyes, is really one of life's sensational pleasures.
Robert Benchley
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There seems to be a common strain of miserliness in the American people when it comes to throwing away toothpaste tubes which havea little left in the bottom.
Robert Benchley
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It was one of those plays in which all of the actors unfortunately enunciated very clearly.
Robert Benchley
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Who has not wished that his host would come out frankly at the beginning of the visit and state, in no uncertain terms, the rulesand preferences of the household in such matters as the breakfast hour? And who has not sounded out his guest to find out what he likes in the regulation of his diet and modus vivendi (mode of living)?
Robert Benchley
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You won't find one fish in a million that has enough sense to come in when it rains.
Robert Benchley