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All laughter is a muscular rigidity spasmodically relieved by involuntary twitching.

Robert Benchley

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Robert Benchley
Age: 56 †
Born: 1889
Born: September 15
Died: 1945
Died: November 21
Actor
Humorist
Journalist
Screenwriter
Worcester
Massachusetts
Muscular
Rigidity
Involuntary
Relieved
Laughter
Twitching

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Even nowadays a man can't step up and kill a woman without feeling just a bit unchivalrous.
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Birds which are the same color as the foliage in which they nest are less likely to be disturbed by other birds who want to drop in and chat, and therefore last longer.
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If you look at eggs, you will see that each one is almost round but not quite ... Nature's way of distinguishing eggs from large golf balls.
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She sleeps alone at last.
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My only solution for the problem of habitual accidents is to stay in bed all day. Even then, there is always the chance that you will fall out.
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I have often wondered how they manage to get return envelopes which miss, by one-quarter of an inch, fitting the blank you are supposed to return. They say, Please fill out and return the enclosed envelope, and the enclosed envelope is always one-quarter of an inch too small.
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An ardent supporter of the hometown team should go to a game prepared to take offense, no matter what happens.
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The naturalistic literature of this country has reached such a state that no family of characters is considered true to life whichdoes not include at least two hypochondriacs, one sadist, and one old man who spills food down the front of his vest.
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What is to be done with people who can't read a Sunday paper without messing it all up?... Show me a Sunday paper which has been left in a condition fit only for kite flying, and I will show you an antisocial and dangerous character who has left it that way.
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Anyone can do any amount of work, provided it isn't the work he is supposed be doing at that moment.
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Streets full of water. Please Advise.
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In America there are two classes of travel - first class, and with children.
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Streets flooded. Please advise.
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Sheer madness is, of course, the highest possible brow in humor.
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In preparing the soil for planting, you will need several tools. Dynamite would be a beautiful thing to use, but it would have a tendency to get the dirt into the front-hall and track up the stairs.
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Except for an occasional heart attack I feel as young as I ever did.
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There are two ways to travel, first class or with children.
Robert Benchley
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It has always seemed to me that the most difficult part of building a bridge would be the start.
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One cubic foot less of space and it would have constituted adultery.
Robert Benchley
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Next to a shot of some good, habit-forming narcotic, there is nothing like travelling alone as a 'builder-upper.
Robert Benchley