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All laughter is a muscular rigidity spasmodically relieved by involuntary twitching.

Robert Benchley

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Robert Benchley
Age: 56 †
Born: 1889
Born: September 15
Died: 1945
Died: November 21
Actor
Humorist
Journalist
Screenwriter
Worcester
Massachusetts
Involuntary
Relieved
Laughter
Twitching
Muscular
Rigidity

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There is probably no more obnoxious class of citizen, taken end for end, than the returning vacationist.
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The naturalistic literature of this country has reached such a state that no family of characters is considered true to life whichdoes not include at least two hypochondriacs, one sadist, and one old man who spills food down the front of his vest.
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There are two ways to travel, first class or with children.
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Sheer madness is, of course, the highest possible brow in humor.
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Drawing on my fine command of the English language, I said nothing.
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A man may take care of a furnace for twenty-five years and still forget to duck his head when he starts going down the cellar stairs.
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It has always seemed to me that the most difficult part of building a bridge would be the start.
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A child of three cannot raise its chubby fist to its mouth to remove a piece of carpet which it is through eating, without being made the subject of a psychological seminar of child-welfare experts, and written up, along with five hundred other children of three who have put their hands to their mouths for the same reason.
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The knocking out of a pipe can be made almost as important as the smoking of it, especially if there are nervous people in the room. A good, smart knock of a pipe against a tin wastebasket and you will have a neurasthenic out of his chair and into the window sash in no time.
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Except for an occasional heart attack I feel as young as I ever did.
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Drinking makes such fools of people, and people are such fools to begin with that it's compounding a felony.
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I know I'm drinking myself to a slow death, but then I'm in no hurry.
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At fifteen one is first beginning to realize that everything isn't money and power in this world, and is casting about for joys that do not turn to dross in one's hands.
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I don't want to be an alarmist, but I think that the Younger Generation is up to something.... I base my apprehension on nothing more definite than the fact that they are always coming in and going out of the house, without any apparent reason.
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Streets flooded. Please advise.
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A boy can learn a lot from a dog: obedience, loyalty, and the importance of turning around three times before lying down.
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Anything can happen, but it usually doesn't.
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What is to be done with people who can't read a Sunday paper without messing it all up?... Show me a Sunday paper which has been left in a condition fit only for kite flying, and I will show you an antisocial and dangerous character who has left it that way.
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Most of the arguments to which I am party fall somewhat short of being impressive, owing to the fact that neither I nor my opponent knows what we are talking about.
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Tell us your phobias and we will tell you what you are afraid of
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