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All laughter is a muscular rigidity spasmodically relieved by involuntary twitching.
Robert Benchley
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Robert Benchley
Age: 56 †
Born: 1889
Born: September 15
Died: 1945
Died: November 21
Actor
Humorist
Journalist
Screenwriter
Worcester
Massachusetts
Twitching
Muscular
Rigidity
Involuntary
Relieved
Laughter
More quotes by Robert Benchley
In America there are two classes of travel - first class, and with children.
Robert Benchley
At fifteen one is first beginning to realize that everything isn't money and power in this world, and is casting about for joys that do not turn to dross in one's hands.
Robert Benchley
She sleeps alone at last.
Robert Benchley
There are two ways to travel, first class or with children.
Robert Benchley
If there is a streak of ham anywhere in an actor, Shakespeare will bring it out.
Robert Benchley
There is a note in the front of the volume saying that no public reading may be given without first getting the author's permission. It ought to be made much more difficult to do than that.
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You won't find one fish in a million that has enough sense to come in when it rains.
Robert Benchley
A dog teaches a boy fidelity, perseverance, and to turn around three times before lying down.
Robert Benchley
This is a test. It is only a test. Had it been an actual job, you would have received raises, promotions, and other signs of appreciation.
Robert Benchley
Even nowadays a man can't step up and kill a woman without feeling just a bit unchivalrous.
Robert Benchley
One cubic foot less of space and it would have constituted adultery.
Robert Benchley
But compared with the task of selecting a piece of French pastry held by an impatient waiter a move in chess is like reaching for a salary check in its demand on the contemplative faculties.
Robert Benchley
If Mr. Einstein doesn't like the natural laws of the universe, let him go back to where he came from.
Robert Benchley
I don't want to be an alarmist, but I think that the Younger Generation is up to something.... I base my apprehension on nothing more definite than the fact that they are always coming in and going out of the house, without any apparent reason.
Robert Benchley
People who begin sentences with I may be old-fashioned but-- are usually not only old-fashioned but wrong. I never thought the time would come when I should catch myself leading off with that crack. But I feel it coming on right now.
Robert Benchley
A man may take care of a furnace for twenty-five years and still forget to duck his head when he starts going down the cellar stairs.
Robert Benchley
My only solution for the problem of habitual accidents is to stay in bed all day. Even then, there is always the chance that you will fall out.
Robert Benchley
I once heard of a murderer who propped his two victims up against a chess board in sporting attitudes and was able to get as far as Seattle before his crime was discovered.
Robert Benchley
I never liked bananas much anyway. Two-thirds of the way down even one banana I am willing to concede defeat smilingly and give the rest to the nearest monkey.
Robert Benchley
Sunday morning may be cheery enough, with its extra cup of coffee and litter of Sunday newspapers, but there is always hanging over it the ominous threat of 3 P.M., when the sun gets around to the back windows and life stops dead in its tracks.
Robert Benchley