Quote

This congestion in the post offices is due to what are technically known as regulations but what are really a series of acrostics and anagrams devised by some officials who got around a table one night and tried to be funny.

Robert Benchley

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Robert Benchley
Age: 56 †
Born: 1889
Born: September 15
Died: 1945
Died: November 21
Actor
Humorist
Journalist
Screenwriter
Worcester
Massachusetts
Known
Officials
Congestion
Funny
Dues
Devised
Night
Table
Offices
Around
Tables
Technically
Really
Series
Regulations
Tried
Regulation
Office
Post
Modern
Posts
Anagrams

More quotes by Robert Benchley

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The only cure for a real hangover is death.
Robert Benchley
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The most common of all antagonisms arises from a man's taking a seat beside you on the train, a seat to which he is completely entitled.
Robert Benchley
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If there is a streak of ham anywhere in an actor, Shakespeare will bring it out.
Robert Benchley
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The knocking out of a pipe can be made almost as important as the smoking of it, especially if there are nervous people in the room. A good, smart knock of a pipe against a tin wastebasket and you will have a neurasthenic out of his chair and into the window sash in no time.
Robert Benchley
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You want to go easy on the suicide stuff - first thing you know, you'll ruin your health.
Robert Benchley
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Streets flooded. Please advise.
Robert Benchley
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A freelance is one who gets paid by the word -- per piece or perhaps.
Robert Benchley
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My only solution for the problem of habitual accidents is to stay in bed all day. Even then, there is always the chance that you will fall out.
Robert Benchley
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Who has not wished that his host would come out frankly at the beginning of the visit and state, in no uncertain terms, the rulesand preferences of the household in such matters as the breakfast hour? And who has not sounded out his guest to find out what he likes in the regulation of his diet and modus vivendi (mode of living)?
Robert Benchley
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All laughter is a muscular rigidity spasmodically relieved by involuntary twitching.
Robert Benchley
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Birds which are the same color as the foliage in which they nest are less likely to be disturbed by other birds who want to drop in and chat, and therefore last longer.
Robert Benchley
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Sunday morning may be cheery enough, with its extra cup of coffee and litter of Sunday newspapers, but there is always hanging over it the ominous threat of 3 P.M., when the sun gets around to the back windows and life stops dead in its tracks.
Robert Benchley
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A dog teaches a boy fidelity, perseverance, and to turn around three times before lying down.
Robert Benchley
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I never liked bananas much anyway. Two-thirds of the way down even one banana I am willing to concede defeat smilingly and give the rest to the nearest monkey.
Robert Benchley
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Anything can happen, but it usually doesn't.
Robert Benchley
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A man gets on a train with his little boy, and gives the conductor only one ticket. 'How old's your kid?' the conductor says, and the father says, 'He's four years old.' 'He looks at least twelve to me,' says the conductor. And the father says, 'Can I help it if he worries?
Robert Benchley
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I have often wondered how they manage to get return envelopes which miss, by one-quarter of an inch, fitting the blank you are supposed to return. They say, Please fill out and return the enclosed envelope, and the enclosed envelope is always one-quarter of an inch too small.
Robert Benchley
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Tell us your phobias and we will tell you what you are afraid of
Robert Benchley
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People who begin sentences with I may be old-fashioned but-- are usually not only old-fashioned but wrong. I never thought the time would come when I should catch myself leading off with that crack. But I feel it coming on right now.
Robert Benchley
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A child of three cannot raise its chubby fist to its mouth to remove a piece of carpet which it is through eating, without being made the subject of a psychological seminar of child-welfare experts, and written up, along with five hundred other children of three who have put their hands to their mouths for the same reason.
Robert Benchley