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You won't find one fish in a million that has enough sense to come in when it rains.
Robert Benchley
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Robert Benchley
Age: 56 †
Born: 1889
Born: September 15
Died: 1945
Died: November 21
Actor
Humorist
Journalist
Screenwriter
Worcester
Massachusetts
Find
Fishes
Come
Boat
Enough
Rivers
Million
Rain
Rains
Sea
Lakes
Millions
Fishing
Sense
Fish
More quotes by Robert Benchley
A boy can learn a lot from a dog: obedience, loyalty, and the importance of turning around three times before lying down.
Robert Benchley
It was one of those plays in which all of the actors unfortunately enunciated very clearly.
Robert Benchley
An ardent supporter of the hometown team should go to a game prepared to take offense, no matter what happens.
Robert Benchley
Traveling with children corresponds roughly to traveling third class in Bulgaria.
Robert Benchley
I don't want to be an alarmist, but I think that the Younger Generation is up to something.... I base my apprehension on nothing more definite than the fact that they are always coming in and going out of the house, without any apparent reason.
Robert Benchley
In Milwaukee last month a man died laughing over one of his own jokes. That's what makes it so tough for us outsiders. We have to fight home competition.
Robert Benchley
There is probably no more obnoxious class of citizen, taken end for end, than the returning vacationist.
Robert Benchley
The naturalistic literature of this country has reached such a state that no family of characters is considered true to life whichdoes not include at least two hypochondriacs, one sadist, and one old man who spills food down the front of his vest.
Robert Benchley
There are two ways to travel, first class or with children.
Robert Benchley
Dachshunds are ideal dogs for small children, as they are already stretched and pulled to such a length that the child cannot do much harm one way or the other.
Robert Benchley
Next to a shot of some good, habit-forming narcotic, there is nothing like travelling alone as a 'builder-upper.
Robert Benchley
A child of three cannot raise its chubby fist to its mouth to remove a piece of carpet which it is through eating, without being made the subject of a psychological seminar of child-welfare experts, and written up, along with five hundred other children of three who have put their hands to their mouths for the same reason.
Robert Benchley
The only cure for a real hangover is death.
Robert Benchley
Anyone can do any amount of work, provided it isn't the work he is supposed be doing at that moment.
Robert Benchley
People who begin sentences with I may be old-fashioned but-- are usually not only old-fashioned but wrong. I never thought the time would come when I should catch myself leading off with that crack. But I feel it coming on right now.
Robert Benchley
One of the easiest forms of pretense to break down is the pretense of enthusiasm for exotic foods. Just bring on the exotic foods.
Robert Benchley
Most personal correspondence of today consists of letters the first half of which are given over to an indexed statement of why the writer hasn't written before, followed by one paragraph of small talk, with the remainder devoted to reasons why it is imperative that the letter be brought to a close.
Robert Benchley
I never liked bananas much anyway. Two-thirds of the way down even one banana I am willing to concede defeat smilingly and give the rest to the nearest monkey.
Robert Benchley
Tell us your phobias and we will tell you what you are afraid of
Robert Benchley
At fifteen one is first beginning to realize that everything isn't money and power in this world, and is casting about for joys that do not turn to dross in one's hands.
Robert Benchley