Quote

I am pretty sure that, if you will be quite honest, you will admit that a good rousing sneeze, one that tears open your collar and throws your hair into your eyes, is really one of life's sensational pleasures.

Robert Benchley

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Robert Benchley
Age: 56 †
Born: 1889
Born: September 15
Died: 1945
Died: November 21
Actor
Humorist
Journalist
Screenwriter
Worcester
Massachusetts
Honest
Collar
Really
Pretty
Collars
Good
Throws
Life
Quite
Pleasures
Open
Admit
Eyes
Tears
Rousing
Pleasure
Health
Sneeze
Sure
Hair
Sensational
Eye

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A child of three cannot raise its chubby fist to its mouth to remove a piece of carpet which it is through eating, without being made the subject of a psychological seminar of child-welfare experts, and written up, along with five hundred other children of three who have put their hands to their mouths for the same reason.
Robert Benchley
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The surest way to make a monkey of a man is to quote him. That remark in itself wouldn't make any sense if quoted as it stands.
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Tell us your phobias and we will tell you what you are afraid of
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In preparing the soil for planting, you will need several tools. Dynamite would be a beautiful thing to use, but it would have a tendency to get the dirt into the front-hall and track up the stairs.
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The naturalistic literature of this country has reached such a state that no family of characters is considered true to life whichdoes not include at least two hypochondriacs, one sadist, and one old man who spills food down the front of his vest.
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There is probably no more obnoxious class of citizen, taken end for end, than the returning vacationist.
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Birds which are the same color as the foliage in which they nest are less likely to be disturbed by other birds who want to drop in and chat, and therefore last longer.
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Dachshunds are ideal dogs for small children, as they are already stretched and pulled to such a length that the child cannot do much harm one way or the other.
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What is to be done with people who can't read a Sunday paper without messing it all up?... Show me a Sunday paper which has been left in a condition fit only for kite flying, and I will show you an antisocial and dangerous character who has left it that way.
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I never liked bananas much anyway. Two-thirds of the way down even one banana I am willing to concede defeat smilingly and give the rest to the nearest monkey.
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Drawing on my fine command of the English language, I said nothing.
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It has always seemed to me that the most difficult part of building a bridge would be the start.
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You want to go easy on the suicide stuff - first thing you know, you'll ruin your health.
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We are constantly being surprised that people did things well before we were born.
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If Mr. Einstein doesn't like the natural laws of the universe, let him go back to where he came from.
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Next to a shot of some good, habit-forming narcotic, there is nothing like travelling alone as a 'builder-upper.
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In Milwaukee last month a man died laughing over one of his own jokes. That's what makes it so tough for us outsiders. We have to fight home competition.
Robert Benchley
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Drinking makes such fools of people, and people are such fools to begin with that it's compounding a felony.
Robert Benchley
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Even nowadays a man can't step up and kill a woman without feeling just a bit unchivalrous.
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Streets flooded. Please advise.
Robert Benchley