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There are several ways to apportion the family income, all of them unsatisfactory.
Robert Benchley
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Robert Benchley
Age: 56 †
Born: 1889
Born: September 15
Died: 1945
Died: November 21
Actor
Humorist
Journalist
Screenwriter
Worcester
Massachusetts
Way
Unsatisfactory
Several
Income
Ways
Family
Money
More quotes by Robert Benchley
Most personal correspondence of today consists of letters the first half of which are given over to an indexed statement of why the writer hasn't written before, followed by one paragraph of small talk, with the remainder devoted to reasons why it is imperative that the letter be brought to a close.
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She sleeps alone at last.
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At fifteen one is first beginning to realize that everything isn't money and power in this world, and is casting about for joys that do not turn to dross in one's hands.
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A real hangover is nothing to try out family remedies on. The only cure for a real hangover is death.
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This is a test. It is only a test. Had it been an actual job, you would have received raises, promotions, and other signs of appreciation.
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Except for an occasional heart attack I feel as young as I ever did.
Robert Benchley
It was one of those plays in which all of the actors unfortunately enunciated very clearly.
Robert Benchley
The only cure for a real hangover is death.
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In Milwaukee last month a man died laughing over one of his own jokes. That's what makes it so tough for us outsiders. We have to fight home competition.
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Streets full of water. Please Advise.
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A child of three cannot raise its chubby fist to its mouth to remove a piece of carpet which it is through eating, without being made the subject of a psychological seminar of child-welfare experts, and written up, along with five hundred other children of three who have put their hands to their mouths for the same reason.
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The surest way to make a monkey of a man is to quote him. That remark in itself wouldn't make any sense if quoted as it stands.
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I know I'm drinking myself to a slow death, but then I'm in no hurry.
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Work is a form of nervousness.
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The most common of all antagonisms arises from a man's taking a seat beside you on the train, a seat to which he is completely entitled.
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Anything can happen, but it usually doesn't.
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Sheer madness is, of course, the highest possible brow in humor.
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There is no doubt that every healthy, normal boy...should own a dog at some time in his life, preferably between the ages of forty-five and fifty.
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A freelance is one who gets paid by the word -- per piece or perhaps.
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In America there are two classes of travel - first class, and with children.
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