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There are several ways to apportion the family income, all of them unsatisfactory.
Robert Benchley
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Robert Benchley
Age: 56 †
Born: 1889
Born: September 15
Died: 1945
Died: November 21
Actor
Humorist
Journalist
Screenwriter
Worcester
Massachusetts
Unsatisfactory
Several
Income
Ways
Family
Money
Way
More quotes by Robert Benchley
Anyone can do any amount of work, provided it isn't the work he is supposed be doing at that moment.
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The only cure for a real hangover is death.
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A dog teaches a boy fidelity, perseverance, and to turn around three times before lying down.
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It was one of those plays in which all of the actors unfortunately enunciated very clearly.
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We are constantly being surprised that people did things well before we were born.
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Every boy should have two things: a dog and a mother who lets him have one
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One of the great natural phenomena is the way in which a tube of toothpaste suddenly empties itself when it hears that you are planning a trip, so that when you come to pack it is just a twisted shell of its former self, with not even a cubic millimeter left to be squeezed out.
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There is probably no more obnoxious class of citizen, taken end for end, than the returning vacationist.
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If Shakespeare were alive today and writing comedy for the movies, he would be the head-liner for the Mack Sennett studios.
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Who has not wished that his host would come out frankly at the beginning of the visit and state, in no uncertain terms, the rulesand preferences of the household in such matters as the breakfast hour? And who has not sounded out his guest to find out what he likes in the regulation of his diet and modus vivendi (mode of living)?
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In preparing the soil for planting, you will need several tools. Dynamite would be a beautiful thing to use, but it would have a tendency to get the dirt into the front-hall and track up the stairs.
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Sheer madness is, of course, the highest possible brow in humor.
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There seems to be a common strain of miserliness in the American people when it comes to throwing away toothpaste tubes which havea little left in the bottom.
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A freelance is one who gets paid by the word -- per piece or perhaps.
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We call ourselves a free nation, and yet we let ourselves be told what cabs we can and can't take by a man at a hotel door, simply because he has a drum major's uniform on.
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An ardent supporter of the hometown team should go to a game prepared to take offense, no matter what happens.
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Next to a shot of some good, habit-forming narcotic, there is nothing like travelling alone as a 'builder-upper.
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I have often wondered how they manage to get return envelopes which miss, by one-quarter of an inch, fitting the blank you are supposed to return. They say, Please fill out and return the enclosed envelope, and the enclosed envelope is always one-quarter of an inch too small.
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Most of the arguments to which I am party fall somewhat short of being impressive, owing to the fact that neither I nor my opponent knows what we are talking about.
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Drawing on my fine command of the English language, I said nothing.
Robert Benchley