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She sleeps alone at last.

Robert Benchley

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Robert Benchley
Age: 56 †
Born: 1889
Born: September 15
Died: 1945
Died: November 21
Actor
Humorist
Journalist
Screenwriter
Worcester
Massachusetts
Death
Suicide
Humor
Sleep
Alone
Moral
Lasts
Last
Sleeps
Funny
Manners

More quotes by Robert Benchley

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One of the easiest forms of pretense to break down is the pretense of enthusiasm for exotic foods. Just bring on the exotic foods.
Robert Benchley
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A freelance is one who gets paid by the word -- per piece or perhaps.
Robert Benchley
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People who begin sentences with I may be old-fashioned but-- are usually not only old-fashioned but wrong. I never thought the time would come when I should catch myself leading off with that crack. But I feel it coming on right now.
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A child of three cannot raise its chubby fist to its mouth to remove a piece of carpet which it is through eating, without being made the subject of a psychological seminar of child-welfare experts, and written up, along with five hundred other children of three who have put their hands to their mouths for the same reason.
Robert Benchley
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If you look at eggs, you will see that each one is almost round but not quite ... Nature's way of distinguishing eggs from large golf balls.
Robert Benchley
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The only cure for a real hangover is death.
Robert Benchley
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But compared with the task of selecting a piece of French pastry held by an impatient waiter a move in chess is like reaching for a salary check in its demand on the contemplative faculties.
Robert Benchley
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I once heard of a murderer who propped his two victims up against a chess board in sporting attitudes and was able to get as far as Seattle before his crime was discovered.
Robert Benchley
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The knocking out of a pipe can be made almost as important as the smoking of it, especially if there are nervous people in the room. A good, smart knock of a pipe against a tin wastebasket and you will have a neurasthenic out of his chair and into the window sash in no time.
Robert Benchley
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One cubic foot less of space and it would have constituted adultery.
Robert Benchley
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Except for an occasional heart attack I feel as young as I ever did.
Robert Benchley
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There are two ways to travel, first class or with children.
Robert Benchley
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What is to be done with people who can't read a Sunday paper without messing it all up?... Show me a Sunday paper which has been left in a condition fit only for kite flying, and I will show you an antisocial and dangerous character who has left it that way.
Robert Benchley
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Sunday morning may be cheery enough, with its extra cup of coffee and litter of Sunday newspapers, but there is always hanging over it the ominous threat of 3 P.M., when the sun gets around to the back windows and life stops dead in its tracks.
Robert Benchley
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A man may take care of a furnace for twenty-five years and still forget to duck his head when he starts going down the cellar stairs.
Robert Benchley
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My only solution for the problem of habitual accidents is to stay in bed all day. Even then, there is always the chance that you will fall out.
Robert Benchley
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Streets full of water. Please Advise.
Robert Benchley
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Anything can happen, but it usually doesn't.
Robert Benchley
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A boy can learn a lot from a dog: obedience, loyalty, and the importance of turning around three times before lying down.
Robert Benchley
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There is probably no more obnoxious class of citizen, taken end for end, than the returning vacationist.
Robert Benchley