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The only cure for a real hangover is death.

Robert Benchley

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Robert Benchley
Age: 56 †
Born: 1889
Born: September 15
Died: 1945
Died: November 21
Actor
Humorist
Journalist
Screenwriter
Worcester
Massachusetts
Real
Hangover
Cure
Cures
Death

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The surest way to make a monkey of a man is to quote him.
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If you look at eggs, you will see that each one is almost round but not quite ... Nature's way of distinguishing eggs from large golf balls.
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Next to an old-fashioned church social, or possibly a monster bridge party, there is no buzz which can equal the sibilant buzz ofa matinée.
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We call ourselves a free nation, and yet we let ourselves be told what cabs we can and can't take by a man at a hotel door, simply because he has a drum major's uniform on.
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All laughter is a muscular rigidity spasmodically relieved by involuntary twitching.
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I never liked bananas much anyway. Two-thirds of the way down even one banana I am willing to concede defeat smilingly and give the rest to the nearest monkey.
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Every boy should have two things: a dog and a mother who lets him have one
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A boy can learn a lot from a dog: obedience, loyalty, and the importance of turning around three times before lying down.
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You won't find one fish in a million that has enough sense to come in when it rains.
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Streets full of water. Please Advise.
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In Milwaukee last month a man died laughing over one of his own jokes. That's what makes it so tough for us outsiders. We have to fight home competition.
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I once heard of a murderer who propped his two victims up against a chess board in sporting attitudes and was able to get as far as Seattle before his crime was discovered.
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At fifteen one is first beginning to realize that everything isn't money and power in this world, and is casting about for joys that do not turn to dross in one's hands.
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There are two ways to travel, first class or with children.
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You want to go easy on the suicide stuff - first thing you know, you'll ruin your health.
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But compared with the task of selecting a piece of French pastry held by an impatient waiter a move in chess is like reaching for a salary check in its demand on the contemplative faculties.
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This congestion in the post offices is due to what are technically known as regulations but what are really a series of acrostics and anagrams devised by some officials who got around a table one night and tried to be funny.
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An ardent supporter of the hometown team should go to a game prepared to take offense, no matter what happens.
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In preparing the soil for planting, you will need several tools. Dynamite would be a beautiful thing to use, but it would have a tendency to get the dirt into the front-hall and track up the stairs.
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One cubic foot less of space and it would have constituted adultery.
Robert Benchley