Quote

We call ourselves a free nation, and yet we let ourselves be told what cabs we can and can't take by a man at a hotel door, simply because he has a drum major's uniform on.

Robert Benchley

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Robert Benchley
Age: 56 †
Born: 1889
Born: September 15
Died: 1945
Died: November 21
Actor
Humorist
Journalist
Screenwriter
Worcester
Massachusetts
Men
Nation
Hospitality
Told
Uniform
Comedy
Uniforms
Simply
Hotel
Call
Majors
Nations
Major
Cabs
Free
Door
Cab
Take
Doors
Drum

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If you look at eggs, you will see that each one is almost round but not quite ... Nature's way of distinguishing eggs from large golf balls.
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Anyone can do any amount of work, provided it isn't the work he is supposed be doing at that moment.
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Tell us your phobias and we will tell you what you are afraid of
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A man may take care of a furnace for twenty-five years and still forget to duck his head when he starts going down the cellar stairs.
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The surest way to make a monkey of a man is to quote him.
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For a nation which has an almost evil reputation for bustle, bustle, bustle, and rush, rush, rush, we spend an enormous amount of time standing around in line in front of windows, just waiting.
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Drinking makes such fools of people, and people are such fools to begin with that it's compounding a felony.
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There is probably no more obnoxious class of citizen, taken end for end, than the returning vacationist.
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A dog teaches a boy fidelity, perseverance, and to turn around three times before lying down.
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All laughter is a muscular rigidity spasmodically relieved by involuntary twitching.
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Sunday morning may be cheery enough, with its extra cup of coffee and litter of Sunday newspapers, but there is always hanging over it the ominous threat of 3 P.M., when the sun gets around to the back windows and life stops dead in its tracks.
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In preparing the soil for planting, you will need several tools. Dynamite would be a beautiful thing to use, but it would have a tendency to get the dirt into the front-hall and track up the stairs.
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A real hangover is nothing to try out family remedies on. The only cure for a real hangover is death.
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A freelance is one who gets paid by the word -- per piece or perhaps.
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In Milwaukee last month a man died laughing over one of his own jokes. That's what makes it so tough for us outsiders. We have to fight home competition.
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This is a test. It is only a test. Had it been an actual job, you would have received raises, promotions, and other signs of appreciation.
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Except for an occasional heart attack I feel as young as I ever did.
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You want to go easy on the suicide stuff - first thing you know, you'll ruin your health.
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An ardent supporter of the hometown team should go to a game prepared to take offense, no matter what happens.
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