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We are constantly being surprised that people did things well before we were born.

Robert Benchley

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Robert Benchley
Age: 56 †
Born: 1889
Born: September 15
Died: 1945
Died: November 21
Actor
Humorist
Journalist
Screenwriter
Worcester
Massachusetts
Constantly
Comedy
Born
Wells
Well
Things
People
Surprised

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Drawing on my fine command of the English language, I said nothing.
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There are two ways to travel, first class or with children.
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Streets flooded. Please advise.
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I know I'm drinking myself to a slow death, but then I'm in no hurry.
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You won't find one fish in a million that has enough sense to come in when it rains.
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Next to a shot of some good, habit-forming narcotic, there is nothing like travelling alone as a 'builder-upper.
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The most common of all antagonisms arises from a man's taking a seat beside you on the train, a seat to which he is completely entitled.
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If you look at eggs, you will see that each one is almost round but not quite ... Nature's way of distinguishing eggs from large golf balls.
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Sheer madness is, of course, the highest possible brow in humor.
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Traveling with children corresponds roughly to traveling third class in Bulgaria.
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This is a test. It is only a test. Had it been an actual job, you would have received raises, promotions, and other signs of appreciation.
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A freelance is one who gets paid by the word -- per piece or perhaps.
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I never liked bananas much anyway. Two-thirds of the way down even one banana I am willing to concede defeat smilingly and give the rest to the nearest monkey.
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I am pretty sure that, if you will be quite honest, you will admit that a good rousing sneeze, one that tears open your collar and throws your hair into your eyes, is really one of life's sensational pleasures.
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Streets full of water. Please Advise.
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I once heard of a murderer who propped his two victims up against a chess board in sporting attitudes and was able to get as far as Seattle before his crime was discovered.
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For a nation which has an almost evil reputation for bustle, bustle, bustle, and rush, rush, rush, we spend an enormous amount of time standing around in line in front of windows, just waiting.
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You want to go easy on the suicide stuff - first thing you know, you'll ruin your health.
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A boy can learn a lot from a dog: obedience, loyalty, and the importance of turning around three times before lying down.
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There is a note in the front of the volume saying that no public reading may be given without first getting the author's permission. It ought to be made much more difficult to do than that.
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