Quote

The surest way to make a monkey of a man is to quote him.

Robert Benchley

Change background

T
T
T

Change font

TAGS & TOPICS

Robert Benchley
Age: 56 †
Born: 1889
Born: September 15
Died: 1945
Died: November 21
Actor
Humorist
Journalist
Screenwriter
Worcester
Massachusetts
Thinking
Surest
Monkey
Quotations
Quote
Monkeys
Way
Make
Men

More quotes by Robert Benchley

Image
You won't find one fish in a million that has enough sense to come in when it rains.
Robert Benchley
Image
The discovery of phobias by psychiatrists has done much to clear the atmosphere. Whereas in the old days a person would say: 'Let's get the heck out of here!' today she says: 'Let's get the heck out of here! I've got claustrophobia.
Robert Benchley
Image
Dachshunds are ideal dogs for small children, as they are already stretched and pulled to such a length that the child cannot do much harm one way or the other.
Robert Benchley
Image
This is a test. It is only a test. Had it been an actual job, you would have received raises, promotions, and other signs of appreciation.
Robert Benchley
Image
Most personal correspondence of today consists of letters the first half of which are given over to an indexed statement of why the writer hasn't written before, followed by one paragraph of small talk, with the remainder devoted to reasons why it is imperative that the letter be brought to a close.
Robert Benchley
Image
A man gets on a train with his little boy, and gives the conductor only one ticket. 'How old's your kid?' the conductor says, and the father says, 'He's four years old.' 'He looks at least twelve to me,' says the conductor. And the father says, 'Can I help it if he worries?
Robert Benchley
Image
One of the great natural phenomena is the way in which a tube of toothpaste suddenly empties itself when it hears that you are planning a trip, so that when you come to pack it is just a twisted shell of its former self, with not even a cubic millimeter left to be squeezed out.
Robert Benchley
Image
We are constantly being surprised that people did things well before we were born.
Robert Benchley
Image
The art of cursing people seems to have lost its tang since the old days when a good malediction took four deep breaths to deliverand sent the outfielders scurrying toward the fence to field.
Robert Benchley
Image
There are two ways to travel, first class or with children.
Robert Benchley
Image
The surest way to make a monkey of a man is to quote him. That remark in itself wouldn't make any sense if quoted as it stands.
Robert Benchley
Image
Streets full of water. Please Advise.
Robert Benchley
Image
I know I'm drinking myself to a slow death, but then I'm in no hurry.
Robert Benchley
Image
This congestion in the post offices is due to what are technically known as regulations but what are really a series of acrostics and anagrams devised by some officials who got around a table one night and tried to be funny.
Robert Benchley
Image
For a nation which has an almost evil reputation for bustle, bustle, bustle, and rush, rush, rush, we spend an enormous amount of time standing around in line in front of windows, just waiting.
Robert Benchley
Image
Even nowadays a man can't step up and kill a woman without feeling just a bit unchivalrous.
Robert Benchley
Image
I never liked bananas much anyway. Two-thirds of the way down even one banana I am willing to concede defeat smilingly and give the rest to the nearest monkey.
Robert Benchley
Image
We call ourselves a free nation, and yet we let ourselves be told what cabs we can and can't take by a man at a hotel door, simply because he has a drum major's uniform on.
Robert Benchley
Image
In preparing the soil for planting, you will need several tools. Dynamite would be a beautiful thing to use, but it would have a tendency to get the dirt into the front-hall and track up the stairs.
Robert Benchley
Image
The only cure for a real hangover is death.
Robert Benchley