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I know I'm drinking myself to a slow death, but then I'm in no hurry.

Robert Benchley

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Robert Benchley
Age: 56 †
Born: 1889
Born: September 15
Died: 1945
Died: November 21
Actor
Humorist
Journalist
Screenwriter
Worcester
Massachusetts
Drinking
Comedy
Death
Hurry
Beer
Slow

More quotes by Robert Benchley

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Next to an old-fashioned church social, or possibly a monster bridge party, there is no buzz which can equal the sibilant buzz ofa matinée.
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Most personal correspondence of today consists of letters the first half of which are given over to an indexed statement of why the writer hasn't written before, followed by one paragraph of small talk, with the remainder devoted to reasons why it is imperative that the letter be brought to a close.
Robert Benchley
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There is probably no more obnoxious class of citizen, taken end for end, than the returning vacationist.
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Sunday morning may be cheery enough, with its extra cup of coffee and litter of Sunday newspapers, but there is always hanging over it the ominous threat of 3 P.M., when the sun gets around to the back windows and life stops dead in its tracks.
Robert Benchley
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An ardent supporter of the hometown team should go to a game prepared to take offense, no matter what happens.
Robert Benchley
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The art of cursing people seems to have lost its tang since the old days when a good malediction took four deep breaths to deliverand sent the outfielders scurrying toward the fence to field.
Robert Benchley
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Traveling with children corresponds roughly to traveling third class in Bulgaria.
Robert Benchley
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Streets flooded. Please advise.
Robert Benchley
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The only cure for a real hangover is death.
Robert Benchley
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In preparing the soil for planting, you will need several tools. Dynamite would be a beautiful thing to use, but it would have a tendency to get the dirt into the front-hall and track up the stairs.
Robert Benchley
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There seems to be a common strain of miserliness in the American people when it comes to throwing away toothpaste tubes which havea little left in the bottom.
Robert Benchley
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Birds which are the same color as the foliage in which they nest are less likely to be disturbed by other birds who want to drop in and chat, and therefore last longer.
Robert Benchley
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If Mr. Einstein doesn't like the natural laws of the universe, let him go back to where he came from.
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Even nowadays a man can't step up and kill a woman without feeling just a bit unchivalrous.
Robert Benchley
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Central Park is the grandiose symbol of the front yard each child in New York hasn't got.
Robert Benchley
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Anyone can do any amount of work, provided it isn't the work he is supposed be doing at that moment.
Robert Benchley
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People who begin sentences with I may be old-fashioned but-- are usually not only old-fashioned but wrong. I never thought the time would come when I should catch myself leading off with that crack. But I feel it coming on right now.
Robert Benchley
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Who has not wished that his host would come out frankly at the beginning of the visit and state, in no uncertain terms, the rulesand preferences of the household in such matters as the breakfast hour? And who has not sounded out his guest to find out what he likes in the regulation of his diet and modus vivendi (mode of living)?
Robert Benchley
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A child of three cannot raise its chubby fist to its mouth to remove a piece of carpet which it is through eating, without being made the subject of a psychological seminar of child-welfare experts, and written up, along with five hundred other children of three who have put their hands to their mouths for the same reason.
Robert Benchley
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If there is a streak of ham anywhere in an actor, Shakespeare will bring it out.
Robert Benchley