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I know I'm drinking myself to a slow death, but then I'm in no hurry.

Robert Benchley

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Robert Benchley
Age: 56 †
Born: 1889
Born: September 15
Died: 1945
Died: November 21
Actor
Humorist
Journalist
Screenwriter
Worcester
Massachusetts
Hurry
Beer
Slow
Drinking
Comedy
Death

More quotes by Robert Benchley

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We are constantly being surprised that people did things well before we were born.
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But compared with the task of selecting a piece of French pastry held by an impatient waiter a move in chess is like reaching for a salary check in its demand on the contemplative faculties.
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Drinking makes such fools of people, and people are such fools to begin with that it's compounding a felony.
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She sleeps alone at last.
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One cubic foot less of space and it would have constituted adultery.
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Drawing on my fine command of the English language, I said nothing.
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There is a note in the front of the volume saying that no public reading may be given without first getting the author's permission. It ought to be made much more difficult to do than that.
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A freelance is one who gets paid by the word -- per piece or perhaps.
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A real hangover is nothing to try out family remedies on. The only cure for a real hangover is death.
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Except for an occasional heart attack I feel as young as I ever did.
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This congestion in the post offices is due to what are technically known as regulations but what are really a series of acrostics and anagrams devised by some officials who got around a table one night and tried to be funny.
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My only solution for the problem of habitual accidents is to stay in bed all day. Even then, there is always the chance that you will fall out.
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Streets full of water. Please Advise.
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One of the easiest forms of pretense to break down is the pretense of enthusiasm for exotic foods. Just bring on the exotic foods.
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There are two ways to travel, first class or with children.
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An ardent supporter of the hometown team should go to a game prepared to take offense, no matter what happens.
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I once heard of a murderer who propped his two victims up against a chess board in sporting attitudes and was able to get as far as Seattle before his crime was discovered.
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For a nation which has an almost evil reputation for bustle, bustle, bustle, and rush, rush, rush, we spend an enormous amount of time standing around in line in front of windows, just waiting.
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Sunday morning may be cheery enough, with its extra cup of coffee and litter of Sunday newspapers, but there is always hanging over it the ominous threat of 3 P.M., when the sun gets around to the back windows and life stops dead in its tracks.
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A child of three cannot raise its chubby fist to its mouth to remove a piece of carpet which it is through eating, without being made the subject of a psychological seminar of child-welfare experts, and written up, along with five hundred other children of three who have put their hands to their mouths for the same reason.
Robert Benchley