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Even nowadays a man can't step up and kill a woman without feeling just a bit unchivalrous.

Robert Benchley

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Robert Benchley
Age: 56 †
Born: 1889
Born: September 15
Died: 1945
Died: November 21
Actor
Humorist
Journalist
Screenwriter
Worcester
Massachusetts
Woman
Nowadays
Death
Suicide
Feelings
Kill
Without
Step
Even
Steps
Men
Comedy
Bits
Feeling

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A real hangover is nothing to try out family remedies on. The only cure for a real hangover is death.
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The discovery of phobias by psychiatrists has done much to clear the atmosphere. Whereas in the old days a person would say: 'Let's get the heck out of here!' today she says: 'Let's get the heck out of here! I've got claustrophobia.
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In preparing the soil for planting, you will need several tools. Dynamite would be a beautiful thing to use, but it would have a tendency to get the dirt into the front-hall and track up the stairs.
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The knocking out of a pipe can be made almost as important as the smoking of it, especially if there are nervous people in the room. A good, smart knock of a pipe against a tin wastebasket and you will have a neurasthenic out of his chair and into the window sash in no time.
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I never liked bananas much anyway. Two-thirds of the way down even one banana I am willing to concede defeat smilingly and give the rest to the nearest monkey.
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Tell us your phobias and we will tell you what you are afraid of
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Work is a form of nervousness.
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One of the easiest forms of pretense to break down is the pretense of enthusiasm for exotic foods. Just bring on the exotic foods.
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All laughter is a muscular rigidity spasmodically relieved by involuntary twitching.
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A freelance is one who gets paid by the word -- per piece or perhaps.
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Dachshunds are ideal dogs for small children, as they are already stretched and pulled to such a length that the child cannot do much harm one way or the other.
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This is a test. It is only a test. Had it been an actual job, you would have received raises, promotions, and other signs of appreciation.
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Sunday morning may be cheery enough, with its extra cup of coffee and litter of Sunday newspapers, but there is always hanging over it the ominous threat of 3 P.M., when the sun gets around to the back windows and life stops dead in its tracks.
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A man may take care of a furnace for twenty-five years and still forget to duck his head when he starts going down the cellar stairs.
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Anything can happen, but it usually doesn't.
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You won't find one fish in a million that has enough sense to come in when it rains.
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The only cure for a real hangover is death.
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I once heard of a murderer who propped his two victims up against a chess board in sporting attitudes and was able to get as far as Seattle before his crime was discovered.
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It has always seemed to me that the most difficult part of building a bridge would be the start.
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She sleeps alone at last.
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