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Drinking makes such fools of people, and people are such fools to begin with that it's compounding a felony.
Robert Benchley
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Robert Benchley
Age: 56 †
Born: 1889
Born: September 15
Died: 1945
Died: November 21
Actor
Humorist
Journalist
Screenwriter
Worcester
Massachusetts
Drinking
Felony
Begin
Drunkenness
Fool
Alcoholism
Drink
Alcoholics
Makes
Liquor
People
Drank
Fools
Alcohol
Compounding
More quotes by Robert Benchley
Sheer madness is, of course, the highest possible brow in humor.
Robert Benchley
I never liked bananas much anyway. Two-thirds of the way down even one banana I am willing to concede defeat smilingly and give the rest to the nearest monkey.
Robert Benchley
She sleeps alone at last.
Robert Benchley
All laughter is a muscular rigidity spasmodically relieved by involuntary twitching.
Robert Benchley
Sunday morning may be cheery enough, with its extra cup of coffee and litter of Sunday newspapers, but there is always hanging over it the ominous threat of 3 P.M., when the sun gets around to the back windows and life stops dead in its tracks.
Robert Benchley
In preparing the soil for planting, you will need several tools. Dynamite would be a beautiful thing to use, but it would have a tendency to get the dirt into the front-hall and track up the stairs.
Robert Benchley
One cubic foot less of space and it would have constituted adultery.
Robert Benchley
We are constantly being surprised that people did things well before we were born.
Robert Benchley
Next to a shot of some good, habit-forming narcotic, there is nothing like travelling alone as a 'builder-upper.
Robert Benchley
Streets full of water. Please Advise.
Robert Benchley
Every boy should have two things: a dog and a mother who lets him have one
Robert Benchley
A man gets on a train with his little boy, and gives the conductor only one ticket. 'How old's your kid?' the conductor says, and the father says, 'He's four years old.' 'He looks at least twelve to me,' says the conductor. And the father says, 'Can I help it if he worries?
Robert Benchley
A child of three cannot raise its chubby fist to its mouth to remove a piece of carpet which it is through eating, without being made the subject of a psychological seminar of child-welfare experts, and written up, along with five hundred other children of three who have put their hands to their mouths for the same reason.
Robert Benchley
Drawing on my fine command of the English language, I said nothing.
Robert Benchley
Traveling with children corresponds roughly to traveling third class in Bulgaria.
Robert Benchley
A man may take care of a furnace for twenty-five years and still forget to duck his head when he starts going down the cellar stairs.
Robert Benchley
There is no doubt that every healthy, normal boy...should own a dog at some time in his life, preferably between the ages of forty-five and fifty.
Robert Benchley
The surest way to make a monkey of a man is to quote him.
Robert Benchley
If Shakespeare were alive today and writing comedy for the movies, he would be the head-liner for the Mack Sennett studios.
Robert Benchley
There are several ways to apportion the family income, all of them unsatisfactory.
Robert Benchley