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Drinking makes such fools of people, and people are such fools to begin with that it's compounding a felony.

Robert Benchley

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Robert Benchley
Age: 56 †
Born: 1889
Born: September 15
Died: 1945
Died: November 21
Actor
Humorist
Journalist
Screenwriter
Worcester
Massachusetts
People
Drank
Fools
Alcohol
Compounding
Drinking
Felony
Begin
Drunkenness
Fool
Alcoholism
Drink
Alcoholics
Makes
Liquor

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Tell us your phobias and we will tell you what you are afraid of
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A dog teaches a boy fidelity, perseverance, and to turn around three times before lying down.
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The art of cursing people seems to have lost its tang since the old days when a good malediction took four deep breaths to deliverand sent the outfielders scurrying toward the fence to field.
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You want to go easy on the suicide stuff - first thing you know, you'll ruin your health.
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Birds which are the same color as the foliage in which they nest are less likely to be disturbed by other birds who want to drop in and chat, and therefore last longer.
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Even nowadays a man can't step up and kill a woman without feeling just a bit unchivalrous.
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It was one of those plays in which all of the actors unfortunately enunciated very clearly.
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What is to be done with people who can't read a Sunday paper without messing it all up?... Show me a Sunday paper which has been left in a condition fit only for kite flying, and I will show you an antisocial and dangerous character who has left it that way.
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I am both a public and a private school boy myself, having always changed schools just as the class in English in the new school was taking up Silas Marner, with the result that it was the only book in the English language that I knew until I was eighteen--but, boy, did I know Silas Marner!
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Next to an old-fashioned church social, or possibly a monster bridge party, there is no buzz which can equal the sibilant buzz ofa matinée.
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Traveling with children corresponds roughly to traveling third class in Bulgaria.
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Every boy should have two things: a dog and a mother who lets him have one
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I have often wondered how they manage to get return envelopes which miss, by one-quarter of an inch, fitting the blank you are supposed to return. They say, Please fill out and return the enclosed envelope, and the enclosed envelope is always one-quarter of an inch too small.
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There is no doubt that every healthy, normal boy...should own a dog at some time in his life, preferably between the ages of forty-five and fifty.
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Who has not wished that his host would come out frankly at the beginning of the visit and state, in no uncertain terms, the rulesand preferences of the household in such matters as the breakfast hour? And who has not sounded out his guest to find out what he likes in the regulation of his diet and modus vivendi (mode of living)?
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A man may take care of a furnace for twenty-five years and still forget to duck his head when he starts going down the cellar stairs.
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But compared with the task of selecting a piece of French pastry held by an impatient waiter a move in chess is like reaching for a salary check in its demand on the contemplative faculties.
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One of the easiest forms of pretense to break down is the pretense of enthusiasm for exotic foods. Just bring on the exotic foods.
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I know I'm drinking myself to a slow death, but then I'm in no hurry.
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There is probably no more obnoxious class of citizen, taken end for end, than the returning vacationist.
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