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One of my first office jobs was cleaning the windows on brown envelopes.

Rita Rudner

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Rita Rudner
Age: 71
Born: 1953
Born: September 17
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Voice Actor
Miami
Florida
Office
Jobs
Firsts
First
Envelopes
Cleaning
Windows
Brown
Window

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I jogged for three miles once. It was the worst three hours of my life.
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I don't like when there's too much conversation because I'm shy and it makes me uncomfortable.
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My grandmother was a very tough woman. She buried three husbands and two of them were just napping.
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Men are sensitive in strange ways. If a man has built a fire and the last log does not burn, he will take it personally.
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I have too many credit cards. You know what happened? Someone stole one and I didn't notice. I noticed when I got that bill. Whoa! It was so much less! I'm letting him keep it. I'm saving money!
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All men look at Dr. Ruth and wonder how she has gained all that sexual experience.
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If you like easygoing, monogamous men, stay away from billionaires.
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Men have higher body temperatures than women. If your heating goes out in winter, I recommend sleeping next to a man. Men are like portable heaters that snore.
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I don't want to push the envelope. Let the envelope stay in the middle of the table. I'll just make you laugh.
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Men who are going bald often wear baseball caps.
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To attract men, I wear a perfume called 'New Car Interior.'
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A good place to meet a man is at the dry cleaner. These men usually have jobs and bathe.
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My father watched football with the sound off because he lived in fear of hearing the voice of Howard Cosell.
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We've begun to long for the pitter-patter of little feet - so we bought a dog. Well, it's cheaper, and you get more feet.
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Men do not like to admit to even momentary imperfection. My husband forgot the code to turn off the alarm. When the police came, he wouldn't admit he'd forgotten the code... he turned himself in.
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When a woman tries on clothing from her closet that feels tight, she will assume she has gained weight. When a man tries something from his closet that feels tight, he will assume the clothing has shrunk.
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My new dress. Do you like it? It's from my favorite designer, On Sale.
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Men like phones with lots of buttons. It makes them feel important.
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Yes, I've now got this nice little apartment in New York, one of those L-shaped ones. Unfortunately, it's a lower case l.
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I get a lot of return business. I think it's all those years I put in traveling around the country people saw me before and had a good time so they want to see me again.
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