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One of my first office jobs was cleaning the windows on brown envelopes.

Rita Rudner

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Rita Rudner
Age: 71
Born: 1953
Born: September 17
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Voice Actor
Miami
Florida
Firsts
First
Envelopes
Cleaning
Windows
Brown
Window
Office
Jobs

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When I eventually met Mr. Right I had no idea that his first name was Always.
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Men don't mature. Marry a younger one.
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I don't think jogging is healthy, especially morning jogging. If morning joggers knew how tempting they looked to morning motorists, they would stay home and do sit-ups.
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Not one man in a beer commercial has a beerbelly.
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Thirty, I really like you but I still have to see other people.
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All men look at Dr. Ruth and wonder how she has gained all that sexual experience.
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Men have higher body temperatures than women. If your heating goes out in winter, I recommend sleeping next to a man. Men are like portable heaters that snore.
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I burned sixty calories. That should take care of a peanut I had in 1962.
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Men are self-confident because they grow up identifying with super-heroes. Women have bad self-images because they grow up identifying with Barbie.
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If your husband has difficulty getting to sleep, the words 'we need to talk about our relationship' may help.
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A saleslady holds up an ugly dress and says, 'This looks much better on.' On what? On fire?
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How come when you mix water and flour together you get glue...and then you add eggs and sugar and you get cake? Where does the glue go?
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I suffer from peroxide phobia. Every time I've gotten near a blond woman, something of mine has disappeared. Jobs, boyfriends... one time an angora sweater leaped right off my body.
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I love to write jokes and that's all I think about.
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We've begun to long for the pitter-patter of little feet - so we bought a dog. Well, it's cheaper, and you get more feet.
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I want to have young children although my mother and father are even now young sufficient to just take care of them.
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I know I want to have children while my parents are still young enough to take care of them.
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I get a lot of return business. I think it's all those years I put in traveling around the country people saw me before and had a good time so they want to see me again.
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When four or more men get together, they talk about sports.
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I loved my mother very much, but she was not a good cook. Most turkeys taste better the day after my mother's tasted better the day before. In our house Thanksgiving was a time for sorrow.
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