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One of my first office jobs was cleaning the windows on brown envelopes.
Rita Rudner
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Rita Rudner
Age: 71
Born: 1953
Born: September 17
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Voice Actor
Miami
Florida
Firsts
First
Envelopes
Cleaning
Windows
Brown
Window
Office
Jobs
More quotes by Rita Rudner
You know the oxygen masks on airplanes? I don't think there's really any oxygen. I think they're just to muffle the screams.
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All men look at Dr. Ruth and wonder how she has gained all that sexual experience.
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When I eventually met Mr. Right I had no idea that his first name was Always.
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I never know what to get my father for his birthday. I gave him a hundred dollars and said, 'Buy yourself something that will make your life easier.' So he went out and bought a present for my mother.
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My boyfriend and I broke up. He wanted to get married and I didn't want him to.
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A saleslady holds up an ugly dress and says, 'This looks much better on.' On what? On fire?
Rita Rudner
I adore being hitched. It's so extraordinary to discover one unique individual you need to irritate for whatever remains of your life.
Rita Rudner
Before I met my husband, I'd never fallen in love. I'd stepped in it a few times.
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Men have higher body temperatures than women. If your heating goes out in winter, I recommend sleeping next to a man. Men are like portable heaters that snore.
Rita Rudner
We've begun to long for the pitter-patter of little feet - so we bought a dog. Well, it's cheaper, and you get more feet.
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Some women hold up dresses that are so ugly and they always say the same thing: 'This looks much better on.' On what? On fire?
Rita Rudner
I'll never understand why people go to movie theaters to have conversations. Going to the movies to talk is like going to a restaurant to cook. The idea is that you have paid your money to have someone do something better than you can do it yourself.
Rita Rudner
Men like phones with lots of buttons. It makes them feel important.
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After you've dated someone it should be legal to stamp them with what's wrong with them so the next person doesn't have to start from scratch.
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The word 'aerobics' came about when the gym instructors got together and said: If we're going to charge $10 an hour, we can't call it Jumping up and down.
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I burned sixty calories. That should take care of a peanut I had in 1962.
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You know it's love when you want to keep holding hands even after you're sweaty.
Rita Rudner
Men do cry, but only when assembling furniture.
Rita Rudner
When a woman tries on clothing from her closet that feels tight, she will assume she has gained weight. When a man tries something from his closet that feels tight, he will assume the clothing has shrunk.
Rita Rudner
Going out to eat is expensive. I was out at one restaurant and they didn't have prices on the menu. Just faces with different expressions of horror.
Rita Rudner