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One of my first office jobs was cleaning the windows on brown envelopes.

Rita Rudner

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Rita Rudner
Age: 71
Born: 1953
Born: September 17
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Voice Actor
Miami
Florida
Brown
Window
Office
Jobs
Firsts
First
Envelopes
Cleaning
Windows

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Most turkeys taste better the day after my mother's tasted better the day before.
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Men have higher body temperatures than women. If your heating goes out in winter, I recommend sleeping next to a man. Men are like portable heaters that snore.
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Men don't live well by themselves. They don't even live like people. They live like bears with furniture.
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My husband gave me a necklace. It's fake. I requested fake. Maybe I'm paranoid, but in this day and age, I don't want something around my neck that's worth more than my head.
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When a woman tries on clothing from her closet that feels tight, she will assume she has gained weight. When a man tries something from his closet that feels tight, he will assume the clothing has shrunk.
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We've begun to long for the pitter-patter of little feet - so we bought a dog. Well, it's cheaper, and you get more feet.
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I don't like when there's too much conversation because I'm shy and it makes me uncomfortable.
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I love to shop after a bad relationship. I don't know. I buy a new outfit and it makes me feel better. It just does. Sometimes I see a really great outfit, I'll break up with someone on purpose.
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No man is charming all of the time. Even Cary Grant is on record saying he wished he could be Cary Grant.
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My new dress. Do you like it? It's from my favorite designer, On Sale.
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Men do cry, but only when assembling furniture.
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Before I met my husband, I'd never fallen in love. I'd stepped in it a few times.
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Why are women wearing perfumes that smell like flowers to attract men? Men don't like flowers. I have a great idea for a scent that will attract men - how about New Car Interior?
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I had no desire to be a stand-up comic until I decided to do it.
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I want to have children, but my friends scare me. One of my friends told me she was in labor for 36 hours. I don't even want to do anything that feels good for 36 hours.
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My father watched football with the sound off because he lived in fear of hearing the voice of Howard Cosell.
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When four or more men get together, they talk about sports.
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You know it's love when you want to keep holding hands even after you're sweaty.
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Men don't mature. Marry a younger one.
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I was a ballerina. I had to quit after I injured a groin muscle. It wasn't mine.
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