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One of my first office jobs was cleaning the windows on brown envelopes.

Rita Rudner

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Rita Rudner
Age: 71
Born: 1953
Born: September 17
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Voice Actor
Miami
Florida
Firsts
First
Envelopes
Cleaning
Windows
Brown
Window
Office
Jobs

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I was a ballerina. I had to quit after I injured a groin muscle. It wasn't mine.
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Waiters and waitresses are becoming nicer and much more caring. I used to pay my check, they would say Thank you. That's now escalated into You care care of yourself, now. The other day I paid my check and the waiter said, Don't put off that mammogram.
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I loved my mother very much, but she was not a good cook. Most turkeys taste better the day after my mother's tasted better the day before. In our house Thanksgiving was a time for sorrow.
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Most turkeys taste better the day after my mother's tasted better the day before.
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There are different kinds of humor, some is sarcastic, some introspective. Introspective fit my personality better.
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Men are sensitive in strange ways. If a man has built a fire and the last log does not burn, he will take it personally.
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When a woman tries on clothing from her closet that feels tight, she will assume she has gained weight. When a man tries something from his closet that feels tight, he will assume the clothing has shrunk.
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I know I want to have children while my parents are still young enough to take care of them.
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No man is charming all of the time. Even Cary Grant is on record saying he wished he could be Cary Grant.
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I don't want to push the envelope. Let the envelope stay in the middle of the table. I'll just make you laugh.
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A good place to meet a man is at the dry cleaner. These men usually have jobs and bathe.
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The way a man looks at himself in a mirror will tell you if he can ever care about anyone else.
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Men accept compliments much better than women do. Example: Mitch, you look great. Mitch: Thanks. On the other side: Ruth, you look great. Ruth: I do? Must be the lighting.
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I just don't get cats. To me, they're a waste of fur.
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Men have higher body temperatures than women. If your heating goes out in winter, I recommend sleeping next to a man. Men are like portable heaters that snore.
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My father watched football with the sound off because he lived in fear of hearing the voice of Howard Cosell.
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I want to have young children although my mother and father are even now young sufficient to just take care of them.
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Before I met my husband, I'd never fallen in love. I'd stepped in it a few times.
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I love to write jokes and that's all I think about.
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A saleslady holds up an ugly dress and says, 'This looks much better on.' On what? On fire?
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