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Wives are people who think it's against the law not to answer the phone when it rings.

Rita Rudner

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Rita Rudner
Age: 71
Born: 1953
Born: September 17
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Voice Actor
Miami
Florida
Phones
Answer
Answers
Wife
Law
Think
Wives
Thinking
Phone
People
Rings

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Men do cry, but only when assembling furniture.
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Men like phones with lots of buttons. It makes them feel important.
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When a woman tries on clothing from her closet that feels tight, she will assume she has gained weight. When a man tries something from his closet that feels tight, he will assume the clothing has shrunk.
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When four or more men get together, they talk about sports.
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Men hate to lose. I once beat my husband at tennis. I asked him, Are we going to have sex again? He said, Yes, but not with each other.
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All men look at Dr. Ruth and wonder how she has gained all that sexual experience.
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If I say a joke and the audience laughs it makes me feel good.
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My mother is such a lousy cook that Thanksgiving at her house is a time of sorrow.
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I had no desire to be a stand-up comic until I decided to do it.
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When you're a dancer, you start with the basics. You don't all of a sudden do a grand jete and pirouette. You start with first position, second, third.
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I get so happy when I write a joke. It's a very satisfying, liberating feeling.
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Only men who have worn a ski suit understand how complicated it is for a woman to go to the bathroom when she's wearing a jumpsuit.
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Never take candy from strangers.
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I have too many credit cards. You know what happened? Someone stole one and I didn't notice. I noticed when I got that bill. Whoa! It was so much less! I'm letting him keep it. I'm saving money!
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Men don't live well by themselves. They don't even live like people. They live like bears with furniture.
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Individuality in dressing is not important to men. If they all look alike it means they haven't made a mistake.
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Men have an easier time buying bathing suits. Women have two types: depressing and more depressing. Men have two types: nerdy and not nerdy.
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I hate learning through experience. Just once I'd like to learn something because someone was nice enough to tell me in advance.
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No man is charming all of the time. Even Cary Grant is on record saying he wished he could be Cary Grant.
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I had the most boring office job in the world...I used to clean the windows on envelopes.
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