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Wives are people who think it's against the law not to answer the phone when it rings.

Rita Rudner

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Rita Rudner
Age: 71
Born: 1953
Born: September 17
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Voice Actor
Miami
Florida
Answer
Answers
Wife
Law
Think
Wives
Thinking
Phone
People
Rings
Phones

More quotes by Rita Rudner

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I loved my mother very much, but she was not a good cook. Most turkeys taste better the day after my mother's tasted better the day before. In our house Thanksgiving was a time for sorrow.
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Men are sensitive in strange ways. If a man has built a fire and the last log does not burn, he will take it personally.
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Men would like monogamy better if it sounded less like monotony.
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When I eventually met Mr. Right I had no idea that his first name was Always.
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I want to have young children although my mother and father are even now young sufficient to just take care of them.
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The time you spend grieving over a man should never exceed the amount of time you actually spent with him
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Some women hold up dresses that are so ugly and they always say the same thing: 'This looks much better on.' On what? On fire?
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Before I met my husband, I'd never fallen in love. I'd stepped in it a few times.
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Life is tough enough without having someone kick you from the inside.
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A saleslady holds up an ugly dress and says, 'This looks much better on.' On what? On fire?
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I suffer from peroxide phobia. Every time I've gotten near a blond woman, something of mine has disappeared. Jobs, boyfriends... one time an angora sweater leaped right off my body.
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It takes six months to get into shape and two weeks to get out of shape. Once you know this you can stop being angry about other things in life and only be angry about this.
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Women take clothing much more seriously than men. I've never seen a man walk into a party and say Oh, my God, I'm so embarrassed get me out of here. There's another man wearing a black tuxedo.
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Never take candy from strangers.
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I hate learning through experience. Just once I'd like to learn something because someone was nice enough to tell me in advance.
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My new dress. Do you like it? It's from my favorite designer, On Sale.
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Envy the kangaroo. That pouch setup is extraordinary the baby crawls out of the womb when it is about two inches long, gets into the pouch, and proceeds to mature. I'd have a baby if it would develop in my handbag.
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Men hate to lose. I once beat my husband at tennis. I asked him, Are we going to have sex again? He said, Yes, but not with each other.
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If I say a joke and the audience laughs it makes me feel good.
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My grandmother was a very tough woman. She buried three husbands and two of them were just napping.
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