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Wives are people who think it's against the law not to answer the phone when it rings.

Rita Rudner

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Rita Rudner
Age: 71
Born: 1953
Born: September 17
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Voice Actor
Miami
Florida
Phones
Answer
Answers
Wife
Law
Think
Wives
Thinking
Phone
People
Rings

More quotes by Rita Rudner

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I get so happy when I write a joke. It's a very satisfying, liberating feeling.
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Thirty, I really like you but I still have to see other people.
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Men who consistently leave the toilet seat up secretly want women to get up to go the bathroom in the middle of the night and fall in.
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Men don't feel the urge to get married as quickly as women do because their clothes all button and zip in the front. Women's dresses usually button and zip in the back. We need men emotionally and sexually, but we also need men to help us get dressed.
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Men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage - they've experienced pain and bought jewelry.
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I had the most boring office job in the world...I used to clean the windows on envelopes.
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We've begun to long for the pitter-patter of little feet - so we bought a dog. Well, it's cheaper, and you get more feet.
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An amicable divorce is like a ventilated condom it just doesn't work.
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Be careful of men who are bald and rich the arrogance of rich usually cancels out the nice of bald.
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Someday I want to be rich. Some people get so rich they lose all respect for humanity. That's how rich I want to be.
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Most turkeys taste better the day after my mother's tasted better the day before.
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Men are self-confident because they grow up identifying with super-heroes. Women have bad self-images because they grow up identifying with Barbie.
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When a woman tries on clothing from her closet that feels tight, she will assume she has gained weight. When a man tries something from his closet that feels tight, he will assume the clothing has shrunk.
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I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious cult.
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I work for myself, which is fun. Except when I call in sick, I know I'm lying.
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Life is tough enough without having someone kick you from the inside.
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If I say a joke and the audience laughs it makes me feel good.
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When you're a dancer, you start with the basics. You don't all of a sudden do a grand jete and pirouette. You start with first position, second, third.
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Envy the kangaroo. That pouch setup is extraordinary the baby crawls out of the womb when it is about two inches long, gets into the pouch, and proceeds to mature. I'd have a baby if it would develop in my handbag.
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I get a lot of return business. I think it's all those years I put in traveling around the country people saw me before and had a good time so they want to see me again.
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