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Wives are people who think it's against the law not to answer the phone when it rings.
Rita Rudner
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Rita Rudner
Age: 71
Born: 1953
Born: September 17
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Voice Actor
Miami
Florida
Answers
Wife
Law
Think
Wives
Thinking
Phone
People
Rings
Phones
Answer
More quotes by Rita Rudner
I love to shop after a bad relationship. I don't know. I buy a new outfit and it makes me feel better. It just does. Sometimes I see a really great outfit, I'll break up with someone on purpose.
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I don't look back. I'm like a shark - I only look forward.
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Yes, I've now got this nice little apartment in New York, one of those L-shaped ones. Unfortunately, it's a lower case l.
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A saleslady holds up an ugly dress and says, 'This looks much better on.' On what? On fire?
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The word 'aerobics' came about when the gym instructors got together and said: If we're going to charge $10 an hour, we can't call it Jumping up and down.
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Men would like monogamy better if it sounded less like monotony.
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Men reach their sexual peak at eighteen. Women reach theirs at thirty-five. Do you get the feeling that God is playing a practical joke?
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Only men who have worn a ski suit understand how complicated it is for a woman to go to the bathroom when she's wearing a jumpsuit.
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I work for myself, which is fun. Except when I call in sick, I know I'm lying.
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I burned sixty calories. That should take care of a peanut I had in 1962.
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I had no desire to be a stand-up comic until I decided to do it.
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Men hate to lose. I once beat my husband at tennis. I asked him, Are we going to have sex again? He said, Yes, but not with each other.
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I never know what to get my father for his birthday. I gave him a hundred dollars and said, 'Buy yourself something that will make your life easier.' So he went out and bought a present for my mother.
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I get so happy when I write a joke. It's a very satisfying, liberating feeling.
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Men who consistently leave the toilet seat up secretly want women to get up to go the bathroom in the middle of the night and fall in.
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I know I want to have children while my parents are still young enough to take care of them.
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I hate learning through experience. Just once I'd like to learn something because someone was nice enough to tell me in advance.
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Never take candy from strangers.
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I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious cult.
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Men have an easier time buying bathing suits. Women have two types: depressing and more depressing. Men have two types: nerdy and not nerdy.
Rita Rudner