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Wives are people who think it's against the law not to answer the phone when it rings.

Rita Rudner

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Rita Rudner
Age: 71
Born: 1953
Born: September 17
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Voice Actor
Miami
Florida
Answers
Wife
Law
Think
Wives
Thinking
Phone
People
Rings
Phones
Answer

More quotes by Rita Rudner

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I'll never understand why people go to movie theaters to have conversations. Going to the movies to talk is like going to a restaurant to cook. The idea is that you have paid your money to have someone do something better than you can do it yourself.
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I work for myself, which is fun. Except when I call in sick, I know I'm lying.
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Men who consistently leave the toilet seat up secretly want women to get up to go the bathroom in the middle of the night and fall in.
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One of my first office jobs was cleaning the windows on brown envelopes.
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I was a ballerina. I had to quit after I injured a groin muscle. It wasn't mine.
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Most women are introspective: Am I in love? Am I emotionally and creatively fulfilled? Most men are outrospective: Did my team win? How's my car?
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Men would like monogamy better if it sounded less like monotony.
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Never take candy from strangers.
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When a woman tries on clothing from her closet that feels tight, she will assume she has gained weight. When a man tries something from his closet that feels tight, he will assume the clothing has shrunk.
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When I eventually met Mr. Right I had no idea that his first name was Always.
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I have too many credit cards. You know what happened? Someone stole one and I didn't notice. I noticed when I got that bill. Whoa! It was so much less! I'm letting him keep it. I'm saving money!
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Neurotics build castles in the air, psychotics live in them. My mother cleans them.
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I want to have young children although my mother and father are even now young sufficient to just take care of them.
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The time you spend grieving over a man should never exceed the amount of time you actually spent with him
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Before I met my husband, I'd never fallen in love. I'd stepped in it a few times.
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A saleslady holds up an ugly dress and says, 'This looks much better on.' On what? On fire?
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I get so happy when I write a joke. It's a very satisfying, liberating feeling.
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If you like easygoing, monogamous men, stay away from billionaires.
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An amicable divorce is like a ventilated condom it just doesn't work.
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I had no desire to be a stand-up comic until I decided to do it.
Rita Rudner