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Wives are people who think it's against the law not to answer the phone when it rings.
Rita Rudner
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Rita Rudner
Age: 71
Born: 1953
Born: September 17
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Voice Actor
Miami
Florida
Wife
Law
Think
Wives
Thinking
Phone
People
Rings
Phones
Answer
Answers
More quotes by Rita Rudner
I don't think jogging is healthy, especially morning jogging. If morning joggers knew how tempting they looked to morning motorists, they would stay home and do sit-ups.
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I read recipes the same way I read science fiction. I get to the end and say to myself well, that's not going to happen
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Men are brave enough to go to war, but they are not brave enough to get a bikini wax.
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A good place to meet a man is at the dry cleaner. These men usually have jobs and bathe.
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I don't want to push the envelope. Let the envelope stay in the middle of the table. I'll just make you laugh.
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Men don't feel the urge to get married as quickly as women do because their clothes all button and zip in the front. Women's dresses usually button and zip in the back. We need men emotionally and sexually, but we also need men to help us get dressed.
Rita Rudner
Most turkeys taste better the day after my mother's tasted better the day before.
Rita Rudner
I want to have young children although my mother and father are even now young sufficient to just take care of them.
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Waiters and waitresses are becoming nicer and much more caring. I used to pay my check, they would say Thank you. That's now escalated into You care care of yourself, now. The other day I paid my check and the waiter said, Don't put off that mammogram.
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I get a lot of return business. I think it's all those years I put in traveling around the country people saw me before and had a good time so they want to see me again.
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If I say a joke and the audience laughs it makes me feel good.
Rita Rudner
Men are sensitive in strange ways. If a man has built a fire and the last log does not burn, he will take it personally.
Rita Rudner
Men don't mature. Marry a younger one.
Rita Rudner
Men have an easier time buying bathing suits. Women have two types: depressing and more depressing. Men have two types: nerdy and not nerdy.
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To attract men, I wear a perfume called 'New Car Interior.'
Rita Rudner
Men hate to lose. I once beat my husband at tennis. I asked him, Are we going to have sex again? He said, Yes, but not with each other.
Rita Rudner
Neurotics build castles in the air, psychotics live in them. My mother cleans them.
Rita Rudner
My father was never very friendly. When I was growing up, I thought the doorbell ringing was a signal to pretend you weren't home.
Rita Rudner
I adore being hitched. It's so extraordinary to discover one unique individual you need to irritate for whatever remains of your life.
Rita Rudner
I have too many credit cards. You know what happened? Someone stole one and I didn't notice. I noticed when I got that bill. Whoa! It was so much less! I'm letting him keep it. I'm saving money!
Rita Rudner
