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Wives are people who think it's against the law not to answer the phone when it rings.

Rita Rudner

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Rita Rudner
Age: 71
Born: 1953
Born: September 17
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Voice Actor
Miami
Florida
People
Rings
Phones
Answer
Answers
Wife
Law
Think
Wives
Thinking
Phone

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Before I met my husband, I'd never fallen in love. I'd stepped in it a few times.
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I work for myself, which is fun. Except when I call in sick, I know I'm lying.
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If you like easygoing, monogamous men, stay away from billionaires.
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Men do not like to admit to even momentary imperfection. My husband forgot the code to turn off the alarm. When the police came, he wouldn't admit he'd forgotten the code... he turned himself in.
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If your husband has difficulty getting to sleep, the words 'we need to talk about our relationship' may help.
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Someday I want to be rich. Some people get so rich they lose all respect for humanity. That's how rich I want to be.
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I jogged for three miles once. It was the worst three hours of my life.
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My husband gave me a necklace. It's fake. I requested fake. Maybe I'm paranoid, but in this day and age, I don't want something around my neck that's worth more than my head.
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I hate learning through experience. Just once I'd like to learn something because someone was nice enough to tell me in advance.
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My father watched football with the sound off because he lived in fear of hearing the voice of Howard Cosell.
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Men don't live well by themselves. They don't even live like people. They live like bears with furniture.
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Men have an easier time buying bathing suits. Women have two types: depressing and more depressing. Men have two types: nerdy and not nerdy.
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Men do cry, but only when assembling furniture.
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Thirty, I really like you but I still have to see other people.
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Why are women wearing perfumes that smell like flowers to attract men? Men don't like flowers. I have a great idea for a scent that will attract men - how about New Car Interior?
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Only men who have worn a ski suit understand how complicated it is for a woman to go to the bathroom when she's wearing a jumpsuit.
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Men who are going bald often wear baseball caps.
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My parents were glad to see that my new husband looks like a 'regular guy'-no earring or anything. But really I think a man with an earring is better prepared for marriage. I mean, he's already experienced pain and bought jewelry.
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All men think that they're nice guys. Some of them are not. Contact me for a list of names.
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Yes, I've now got this nice little apartment in New York, one of those L-shaped ones. Unfortunately, it's a lower case l.
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