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Wives are people who think it's against the law not to answer the phone when it rings.

Rita Rudner

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Rita Rudner
Age: 71
Born: 1953
Born: September 17
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Voice Actor
Miami
Florida
Answers
Wife
Law
Think
Wives
Thinking
Phone
People
Rings
Phones
Answer

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I never know what to get my father for his birthday. I gave him a hundred dollars and said, 'Buy yourself something that will make your life easier.' So he went out and bought a present for my mother.
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I don't want to push the envelope. Let the envelope stay in the middle of the table. I'll just make you laugh.
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I get a lot of return business. I think it's all those years I put in traveling around the country people saw me before and had a good time so they want to see me again.
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I was a ballerina. I had to quit after I injured a groin muscle. It wasn't mine.
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If I say a joke and the audience laughs it makes me feel good.
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When I eventually met Mr. Right I had no idea that his first name was Always.
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The word 'aerobics' came about when the gym instructors got together and said: If we're going to charge $10 an hour, we can't call it Jumping up and down.
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My father was never very friendly. When I was growing up, I thought the doorbell ringing was a signal to pretend you weren't home.
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I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious cult.
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Men who listen to classical music tend not to spit.
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We've begun to long for the pitter-patter of little feet - so we bought a dog. Well, it's cheaper, and you get more feet.
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Never take candy from strangers.
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My father watched football with the sound off because he lived in fear of hearing the voice of Howard Cosell.
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Going out to eat is expensive. I was out at one restaurant and they didn't have prices on the menu. Just faces with different expressions of horror.
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My Vegas act is how I make my money.
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Men have an easier time buying bathing suits. Women have two types: depressing and more depressing. Men have two types: nerdy and not nerdy.
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I don't like when there's too much conversation because I'm shy and it makes me uncomfortable.
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Yes, I've now got this nice little apartment in New York, one of those L-shaped ones. Unfortunately, it's a lower case l.
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Men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage - they've experienced pain and bought jewelry.
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Individuality in dressing is not important to men. If they all look alike it means they haven't made a mistake.
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