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My parents were glad to see that my new husband looks like a 'regular guy'-no earring or anything. But really I think a man with an earring is better prepared for marriage. I mean, he's already experienced pain and bought jewelry.

Rita Rudner

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Rita Rudner
Age: 71
Born: 1953
Born: September 17
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Voice Actor
Miami
Florida
Mean
Parents
Jewelry
Really
Already
Regular
Men
Parent
Bought
Think
Guy
Experienced
Thinking
Pain
Glad
Like
Anything
Prepared
Better
Husband
Earring
Looks
Marriage
Earrings

More quotes by Rita Rudner

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Men who are going bald often wear baseball caps.
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Wives are people who think it's against the law not to answer the phone when it rings.
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I loved my mother very much, but she was not a good cook. Most turkeys taste better the day after my mother's tasted better the day before. In our house Thanksgiving was a time for sorrow.
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Men don't live well by themselves. They don't even live like people. They live like bears with furniture.
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After you've dated someone it should be legal to stamp them with what's wrong with them so the next person doesn't have to start from scratch.
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I have been doing leg lifts faithfully for about fifteen years, and the only thing that has gotten thinner is the carpet where I have been doing the leg lifts.
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Men are brave enough to go to war, but they are not brave enough to get a bikini wax.
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Los Angeles is a very transient town. It's the only place I know where you can actually rent a dog.
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Someday I want to be rich. Some people get so rich they lose all respect for humanity. That's how rich I want to be.
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To attract men, I wear a perfume called 'New Car Interior.'
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Men don't feel the urge to get married as quickly as women do because their clothes all button and zip in the front. Women's dresses usually button and zip in the back. We need men emotionally and sexually, but we also need men to help us get dressed.
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One of my first office jobs was cleaning the windows on brown envelopes.
Rita Rudner
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Be careful of men who are bald and rich the arrogance of rich usually cancels out the nice of bald.
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I adore being hitched. It's so extraordinary to discover one unique individual you need to irritate for whatever remains of your life.
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How come when you mix water and flour together you get glue...and then you add eggs and sugar and you get cake? Where does the glue go?
Rita Rudner
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A saleslady holds up an ugly dress and says, 'This looks much better on.' On what? On fire?
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Never take candy from strangers.
Rita Rudner
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I suffer from peroxide phobia. Every time I've gotten near a blond woman, something of mine has disappeared. Jobs, boyfriends... one time an angora sweater leaped right off my body.
Rita Rudner
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I read recipes the same way I read science fiction. I get to the end and say to myself well, that's not going to happen
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Halloween was confusing. All my life my parents said, Never take candy from strangers. And then they dressed me up and said, Go beg for it. I didn't know what to do. I'd knock on people's doors and go, Trick or treat.
Rita Rudner