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When a woman tries on clothing from her closet that feels tight, she will assume she has gained weight. When a man tries something from his closet that feels tight, he will assume the clothing has shrunk.
Rita Rudner
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Rita Rudner
Age: 71
Born: 1953
Born: September 17
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Voice Actor
Miami
Florida
Woman
Tight
Feels
Gained
Trying
Tries
Something
Assume
Shrunk
Men
Assuming
Closet
Weight
Closets
Humor
Clothings
Funny
Clothing
More quotes by Rita Rudner
Envy the kangaroo. That pouch setup is extraordinary the baby crawls out of the womb when it is about two inches long, gets into the pouch, and proceeds to mature. I'd have a baby if it would develop in my handbag.
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A good place to meet a man is at the dry cleaner. These men usually have jobs and bathe.
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After you've dated someone it should be legal to stamp them with what's wrong with them so the next person doesn't have to start from scratch.
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Why are women wearing perfumes that smell like flowers to attract men? Men don't like flowers. I have a great idea for a scent that will attract men - how about New Car Interior?
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When I eventually met Mr. Right I had no idea that his first name was Always.
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Men are brave enough to go to war, but they are not brave enough to get a bikini wax.
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I read recipes the same way I read science fiction. I get to the end and say to myself well, that's not going to happen
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Men who consistently leave the toilet seat up secretly want women to get up to go the bathroom in the middle of the night and fall in.
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If you like easygoing, monogamous men, stay away from billionaires.
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Yes, I've now got this nice little apartment in New York, one of those L-shaped ones. Unfortunately, it's a lower case l.
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Most turkeys taste better the day after my mother's tasted better the day before.
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Before I met my husband, I'd never fallen in love. I'd stepped in it a few times.
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My mother is such a lousy cook that Thanksgiving at her house is a time of sorrow.
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Men own basketball teams. Every year cheerleaders' outfits get tighter and briefer, and players' shorts get baggier and longer.
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Men are sensitive in strange ways. If a man has built a fire and the last log does not burn, he will take it personally.
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I want to have children, but my friends scare me. One of my friends told me she was in labor for 36 hours. I don't even want to do anything that feels good for 36 hours.
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Individuality in dressing is not important to men. If they all look alike it means they haven't made a mistake.
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Never take candy from strangers.
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Men who are going bald often wear baseball caps.
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My grandmother was a very tough woman. She buried three husbands and two of them were just napping.
Rita Rudner
