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Only men who have worn a ski suit understand how complicated it is for a woman to go to the bathroom when she's wearing a jumpsuit.

Rita Rudner

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Rita Rudner
Age: 71
Born: 1953
Born: September 17
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Voice Actor
Miami
Florida
Suits
Wearing
Complicated
Humor
Funny
Skis
Woman
Bathroom
Understand
Suit
Men
Worn

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Before I met my husband, I'd never fallen in love. I'd stepped in it a few times.
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Men who listen to classical music tend not to spit.
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There are different kinds of humor, some is sarcastic, some introspective. Introspective fit my personality better.
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Men have an easier time buying bathing suits. Women have two types: depressing and more depressing. Men have two types: nerdy and not nerdy.
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It takes six months to get into shape and two weeks to get out of shape. Once you know this you can stop being angry about other things in life and only be angry about this.
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All men think that they're nice guys. Some of them are not. Contact me for a list of names.
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I had no desire to be a stand-up comic until I decided to do it.
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When four or more men get together, they talk about sports.
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Men who are going bald often wear baseball caps.
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Halloween was confusing. All my life my parents said, Never take candy from strangers. And then they dressed me up and said, Go beg for it. I didn't know what to do. I'd knock on people's doors and go, Trick or treat.
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I loved my mother very much, but she was not a good cook. Most turkeys taste better the day after my mother's tasted better the day before. In our house Thanksgiving was a time for sorrow.
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Someday I want to be rich. Some people get so rich they lose all respect for humanity. That's how rich I want to be.
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An amicable divorce is like a ventilated condom it just doesn't work.
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I have been doing leg lifts faithfully for about fifteen years, and the only thing that has gotten thinner is the carpet where I have been doing the leg lifts.
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I want to have children, but my friends scare me. One of my friends told me she was in labor for 36 hours. I don't even want to do anything that feels good for 36 hours.
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I don't like when there's too much conversation because I'm shy and it makes me uncomfortable.
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A good place to meet a man is at the dry cleaner. These men usually have jobs and bathe.
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Men like phones with lots of buttons. It makes them feel important.
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When a woman tries on clothing from her closet that feels tight, she will assume she has gained weight. When a man tries something from his closet that feels tight, he will assume the clothing has shrunk.
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I get a lot of return business. I think it's all those years I put in traveling around the country people saw me before and had a good time so they want to see me again.
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