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Men who listen to classical music tend not to spit.

Rita Rudner

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Rita Rudner
Age: 71
Born: 1953
Born: September 17
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Voice Actor
Miami
Florida
Listen
Humor
Funny
Music
Men
Spit
Classical
Tend

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My new dress. Do you like it? It's from my favorite designer, On Sale.
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I had the most boring office job in the world...I used to clean the windows on envelopes.
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If your husband has difficulty getting to sleep, the words 'we need to talk about our relationship' may help.
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Someday I want to be rich. Some people get so rich they lose all respect for humanity. That's how rich I want to be.
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Men would like monogamy better if it sounded less like monotony.
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A saleslady holds up an ugly dress and says, 'This looks much better on.' On what? On fire?
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When I eventually met Mr. Right I had no idea that his first name was Always.
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I work for myself, which is fun. Except when I call in sick, I know I'm lying.
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Men own basketball teams. Every year cheerleaders' outfits get tighter and briefer, and players' shorts get baggier and longer.
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My cousin just got married for the totally wrong reasons. She married a man for money. She wasn't real subtle about it. Instead of calling him her fiancé, she kept calling him her financee.
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How come when you mix water and flour together you get glue...and then you add eggs and sugar and you get cake? Where does the glue go?
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I adore being hitched. It's so extraordinary to discover one unique individual you need to irritate for whatever remains of your life.
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Life is tough enough without having someone kick you from the inside.
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An amicable divorce is like a ventilated condom it just doesn't work.
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To attract men, I wear a perfume called 'New Car Interior.'
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I hate learning through experience. Just once I'd like to learn something because someone was nice enough to tell me in advance.
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A good place to meet a man is at the dry cleaner. These men usually have jobs and bathe.
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I have been doing leg lifts faithfully for about fifteen years, and the only thing that has gotten thinner is the carpet where I have been doing the leg lifts.
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You know it's love when you want to keep holding hands even after you're sweaty.
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