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Men who listen to classical music tend not to spit.

Rita Rudner

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Rita Rudner
Age: 71
Born: 1953
Born: September 17
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Voice Actor
Miami
Florida
Funny
Music
Men
Spit
Classical
Tend
Listen
Humor

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An amicable divorce is like a ventilated condom it just doesn't work.
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Going out to eat is expensive. I was out at one restaurant and they didn't have prices on the menu. Just faces with different expressions of horror.
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When a woman tries on clothing from her closet that feels tight, she will assume she has gained weight. When a man tries something from his closet that feels tight, he will assume the clothing has shrunk.
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Men have an easier time buying bathing suits. Women have two types: depressing and more depressing. Men have two types: nerdy and not nerdy.
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I want to have children, but my friends scare me. One of my friends told me she was in labor for 36 hours. I don't even want to do anything that feels good for 36 hours.
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I know I want to have children while my parents are still young enough to take care of them.
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When I eventually met Mr. Right I had no idea that his first name was Always.
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Neurotics build castles in the air, psychotics live in them. My mother cleans them.
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Men like to barbecue. Men will cook if danger is involved.
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Los Angeles is a very transient town. It's the only place I know where you can actually rent a dog.
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Most women are introspective: Am I in love? Am I emotionally and creatively fulfilled? Most men are outrospective: Did my team win? How's my car?
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I'll never understand why people go to movie theaters to have conversations. Going to the movies to talk is like going to a restaurant to cook. The idea is that you have paid your money to have someone do something better than you can do it yourself.
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You know it's love when you want to keep holding hands even after you're sweaty.
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Men who consistently leave the toilet seat up secretly want women to get up to go the bathroom in the middle of the night and fall in.
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I love to write jokes and that's all I think about.
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All men think that they're nice guys. Some of them are not. Contact me for a list of names.
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You know the oxygen masks on airplanes? I don't think there's really any oxygen. I think they're just to muffle the screams.
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The word 'aerobics' came about when the gym instructors got together and said: If we're going to charge $10 an hour, we can't call it Jumping up and down.
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Men like phones with lots of buttons. It makes them feel important.
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Men who are going bald often wear baseball caps.
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