Share
×
Inspirational Quotes
Authors
Professions
Topics
Tags
Quote
Men hate to lose. I once beat my husband at tennis. I asked him, Are we going to have sex again? He said, Yes, but not with each other.
Rita Rudner
Share
Change background
T
T
T
Change font
Original
TAGS & TOPICS
Rita Rudner
Age: 71
Born: 1953
Born: September 17
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Voice Actor
Miami
Florida
Humor
Lose
Loses
Tennis
Funny
Beat
Hate
Beats
Going
Sex
Men
Husband
Asked
More quotes by Rita Rudner
I don't like when there's too much conversation because I'm shy and it makes me uncomfortable.
Rita Rudner
The time you spend grieving over a man should never exceed the amount of time you actually spent with him
Rita Rudner
My father was never very friendly. When I was growing up, I thought the doorbell ringing was a signal to pretend you weren't home.
Rita Rudner
Be careful of men who are bald and rich the arrogance of rich usually cancels out the nice of bald.
Rita Rudner
I just don't get cats. To me, they're a waste of fur.
Rita Rudner
I love to shop after a bad relationship. I don't know. I buy a new outfit and it makes me feel better. It just does. Sometimes I see a really great outfit, I'll break up with someone on purpose.
Rita Rudner
An amicable divorce is like a ventilated condom it just doesn't work.
Rita Rudner
I don't want to push the envelope. Let the envelope stay in the middle of the table. I'll just make you laugh.
Rita Rudner
Men have an easier time buying bathing suits. Women have two types: depressing and more depressing. Men have two types: nerdy and not nerdy.
Rita Rudner
One of my first office jobs was cleaning the windows on brown envelopes.
Rita Rudner
Halloween was confusing. All my life my parents said, Never take candy from strangers. And then they dressed me up and said, Go beg for it. I didn't know what to do. I'd knock on people's doors and go, Trick or treat.
Rita Rudner
Why are women wearing perfumes that smell like flowers to attract men? Men don't like flowers. I have a great idea for a scent that will attract men - how about New Car Interior?
Rita Rudner
It takes six months to get into shape and two weeks to get out of shape. Once you know this you can stop being angry about other things in life and only be angry about this.
Rita Rudner
If your husband has difficulty getting to sleep, the words 'we need to talk about our relationship' may help.
Rita Rudner
If I say a joke and the audience laughs it makes me feel good.
Rita Rudner
Men do cry, but only when assembling furniture.
Rita Rudner
Los Angeles is a very transient town. It's the only place I know where you can actually rent a dog.
Rita Rudner
Never take candy from strangers.
Rita Rudner
I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious cult.
Rita Rudner
You know it's love when you want to keep holding hands even after you're sweaty.
Rita Rudner