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Men hate to lose. I once beat my husband at tennis. I asked him, Are we going to have sex again? He said, Yes, but not with each other.

Rita Rudner

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Rita Rudner
Age: 71
Born: 1953
Born: September 17
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Voice Actor
Miami
Florida
Hate
Beats
Going
Sex
Men
Husband
Asked
Humor
Lose
Loses
Tennis
Funny
Beat

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If I say a joke and the audience laughs it makes me feel good.
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I jogged for three miles once. It was the worst three hours of my life.
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I have too many credit cards. You know what happened? Someone stole one and I didn't notice. I noticed when I got that bill. Whoa! It was so much less! I'm letting him keep it. I'm saving money!
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I burned sixty calories. That should take care of a peanut I had in 1962.
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I love to shop after a bad relationship. I don't know. I buy a new outfit and it makes me feel better. It just does. Sometimes I see a really great outfit, I'll break up with someone on purpose.
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Men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage - they've experienced pain and bought jewelry.
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I don't want to push the envelope. Let the envelope stay in the middle of the table. I'll just make you laugh.
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To attract men, I wear a perfume called 'New Car Interior.'
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I adore being hitched. It's so extraordinary to discover one unique individual you need to irritate for whatever remains of your life.
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My father was never very friendly. When I was growing up, I thought the doorbell ringing was a signal to pretend you weren't home.
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Men like phones with lots of buttons. It makes them feel important.
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Men would like monogamy better if it sounded less like monotony.
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Some women hold up dresses that are so ugly and they always say the same thing: 'This looks much better on.' On what? On fire?
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A good place to meet a man is at the dry cleaner. These men usually have jobs and bathe.
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I get so happy when I write a joke. It's a very satisfying, liberating feeling.
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Not one man in a beer commercial has a beerbelly.
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Yes, I've now got this nice little apartment in New York, one of those L-shaped ones. Unfortunately, it's a lower case l.
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I'll never understand why people go to movie theaters to have conversations. Going to the movies to talk is like going to a restaurant to cook. The idea is that you have paid your money to have someone do something better than you can do it yourself.
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I never know what to get my father for his birthday. I gave him a hundred dollars and said, 'Buy yourself something that will make your life easier.' So he went out and bought a present for my mother.
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I loved my mother very much, but she was not a good cook. Most turkeys taste better the day after my mother's tasted better the day before. In our house Thanksgiving was a time for sorrow.
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