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Men hate to lose. I once beat my husband at tennis. I asked him, Are we going to have sex again? He said, Yes, but not with each other.

Rita Rudner

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Rita Rudner
Age: 71
Born: 1953
Born: September 17
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Voice Actor
Miami
Florida
Hate
Beats
Going
Sex
Men
Husband
Asked
Humor
Lose
Loses
Tennis
Funny
Beat

More quotes by Rita Rudner

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No man is charming all of the time. Even Cary Grant is on record saying he wished he could be Cary Grant.
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I had the most boring office job in the world...I used to clean the windows on envelopes.
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My cousin just got married for the totally wrong reasons. She married a man for money. She wasn't real subtle about it. Instead of calling him her fiancé, she kept calling him her financee.
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I get a lot of return business. I think it's all those years I put in traveling around the country people saw me before and had a good time so they want to see me again.
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To attract men, I wear a perfume called 'New Car Interior.'
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After you've dated someone it should be legal to stamp them with what's wrong with them so the next person doesn't have to start from scratch.
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When I eventually met Mr. Right I had no idea that his first name was Always.
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I love to shop after a bad relationship. I don't know. I buy a new outfit and it makes me feel better. It just does. Sometimes I see a really great outfit, I'll break up with someone on purpose.
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An amicable divorce is like a ventilated condom it just doesn't work.
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Men are sensitive in strange ways. If a man has built a fire and the last log does not burn, he will take it personally.
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I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious cult.
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Men don't feel the urge to get married as quickly as women do because their clothes all button and zip in the front. Women's dresses usually button and zip in the back. We need men emotionally and sexually, but we also need men to help us get dressed.
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Men would like monogamy better if it sounded less like monotony.
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I read recipes the same way I read science fiction. I get to the end and say to myself well, that's not going to happen
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Men have an easier time buying bathing suits. Women have two types: depressing and more depressing. Men have two types: nerdy and not nerdy.
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The time you spend grieving over a man should never exceed the amount of time you actually spent with him
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Not one man in a beer commercial has a beerbelly.
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Men like to barbecue. Men will cook if danger is involved.
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I was a ballerina. I had to quit after I injured a groin muscle. It wasn't mine.
Rita Rudner
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I love to write jokes and that's all I think about.
Rita Rudner