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Men hate to lose. I once beat my husband at tennis. I asked him, Are we going to have sex again? He said, Yes, but not with each other.

Rita Rudner

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Rita Rudner
Age: 71
Born: 1953
Born: September 17
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Voice Actor
Miami
Florida
Humor
Lose
Loses
Tennis
Funny
Beat
Hate
Beats
Going
Sex
Men
Husband
Asked

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My father was never very friendly. When I was growing up, I thought the doorbell ringing was a signal to pretend you weren't home.
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After you've dated someone it should be legal to stamp them with what's wrong with them so the next person doesn't have to start from scratch.
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I don't look back. I'm like a shark - I only look forward.
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Not one man in a beer commercial has a beerbelly.
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I have been doing leg lifts faithfully for about fifteen years, and the only thing that has gotten thinner is the carpet where I have been doing the leg lifts.
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When four or more men get together, they talk about sports.
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When a woman tries on clothing from her closet that feels tight, she will assume she has gained weight. When a man tries something from his closet that feels tight, he will assume the clothing has shrunk.
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I was a ballerina. I had to quit after I injured a groin muscle. It wasn't mine.
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I jogged for three miles once. It was the worst three hours of my life.
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Wives are people who think it's against the law not to answer the phone when it rings.
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I had no desire to be a stand-up comic until I decided to do it.
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Yes, I've now got this nice little apartment in New York, one of those L-shaped ones. Unfortunately, it's a lower case l.
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A good place to meet a man is at the dry cleaner. These men usually have jobs and bathe.
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The word 'aerobics' came about when the gym instructors got together and said: If we're going to charge $10 an hour, we can't call it Jumping up and down.
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Halloween was confusing. All my life my parents said, Never take candy from strangers. And then they dressed me up and said, Go beg for it. I didn't know what to do. I'd knock on people's doors and go, Trick or treat.
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To attract men, I wear a perfume called 'New Car Interior.'
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Most women are introspective: Am I in love? Am I emotionally and creatively fulfilled? Most men are outrospective: Did my team win? How's my car?
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Men who are going bald often wear baseball caps.
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An amicable divorce is like a ventilated condom it just doesn't work.
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One of my first office jobs was cleaning the windows on brown envelopes.
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