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Men hate to lose. I once beat my husband at tennis. I asked him, Are we going to have sex again? He said, Yes, but not with each other.

Rita Rudner

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Rita Rudner
Age: 71
Born: 1953
Born: September 17
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Voice Actor
Miami
Florida
Men
Husband
Asked
Humor
Lose
Loses
Tennis
Funny
Beat
Hate
Beats
Going
Sex

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I loved my mother very much, but she was not a good cook. Most turkeys taste better the day after my mother's tasted better the day before. In our house Thanksgiving was a time for sorrow.
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After you've dated someone it should be legal to stamp them with what's wrong with them so the next person doesn't have to start from scratch.
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I love to write jokes and that's all I think about.
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Men would like monogamy better if it sounded less like monotony.
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I jogged for three miles once. It was the worst three hours of my life.
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Los Angeles is a very transient town. It's the only place I know where you can actually rent a dog.
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Why are women wearing perfumes that smell like flowers to attract men? Men don't like flowers. I have a great idea for a scent that will attract men - how about New Car Interior?
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If I say a joke and the audience laughs it makes me feel good.
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My boyfriend and I broke up. He wanted to get married and I didn't want him to.
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Women take clothing much more seriously than men. I've never seen a man walk into a party and say Oh, my God, I'm so embarrassed get me out of here. There's another man wearing a black tuxedo.
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I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious cult.
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When I eventually met Mr. Right I had no idea that his first name was Always.
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Someday I want to be rich. Some people get so rich they lose all respect for humanity. That's how rich I want to be.
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Going out to eat is expensive. I was out at one restaurant and they didn't have prices on the menu. Just faces with different expressions of horror.
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Men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage - they've experienced pain and bought jewelry.
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It takes six months to get into shape and two weeks to get out of shape. Once you know this you can stop being angry about other things in life and only be angry about this.
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Men don't feel the urge to get married as quickly as women do because their clothes all button and zip in the front. Women's dresses usually button and zip in the back. We need men emotionally and sexually, but we also need men to help us get dressed.
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When four or more men get together, they talk about sports.
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My grandmother was a very tough woman. She buried three husbands and two of them were just napping.
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Waiters and waitresses are becoming nicer and much more caring. I used to pay my check, they would say Thank you. That's now escalated into You care care of yourself, now. The other day I paid my check and the waiter said, Don't put off that mammogram.
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