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Men hate to lose. I once beat my husband at tennis. I asked him, Are we going to have sex again? He said, Yes, but not with each other.

Rita Rudner

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Rita Rudner
Age: 71
Born: 1953
Born: September 17
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Voice Actor
Miami
Florida
Asked
Humor
Lose
Loses
Tennis
Funny
Beat
Beats
Hate
Sex
Going
Husband
Men

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My mother is such a lousy cook that Thanksgiving at her house is a time of sorrow.
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I have been doing leg lifts faithfully for about fifteen years, and the only thing that has gotten thinner is the carpet where I have been doing the leg lifts.
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I hate learning through experience. Just once I'd like to learn something because someone was nice enough to tell me in advance.
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Men own basketball teams. Every year cheerleaders' outfits get tighter and briefer, and players' shorts get baggier and longer.
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Men don't mature. Marry a younger one.
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Some women hold up dresses that are so ugly and they always say the same thing: 'This looks much better on.' On what? On fire?
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I was a ballerina. I had to quit after I injured a groin muscle. It wasn't mine.
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I burned sixty calories. That should take care of a peanut I had in 1962.
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I don't like when there's too much conversation because I'm shy and it makes me uncomfortable.
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Men don't live well by themselves. They don't even live like people. They live like bears with furniture.
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The word 'aerobics' came about when the gym instructors got together and said: If we're going to charge $10 an hour, we can't call it Jumping up and down.
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Men would like monogamy better if it sounded less like monotony.
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We've begun to long for the pitter-patter of little feet - so we bought a dog. Well, it's cheaper, and you get more feet.
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Never take candy from strangers.
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Los Angeles is a very transient town. It's the only place I know where you can actually rent a dog.
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All men think that they're nice guys. Some of them are not. Contact me for a list of names.
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I'll never understand why people go to movie theaters to have conversations. Going to the movies to talk is like going to a restaurant to cook. The idea is that you have paid your money to have someone do something better than you can do it yourself.
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Men are sensitive in strange ways. If a man has built a fire and the last log does not burn, he will take it personally.
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Men have higher body temperatures than women. If your heating goes out in winter, I recommend sleeping next to a man. Men are like portable heaters that snore.
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Envy the kangaroo. That pouch setup is extraordinary the baby crawls out of the womb when it is about two inches long, gets into the pouch, and proceeds to mature. I'd have a baby if it would develop in my handbag.
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