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Men hate to lose. I once beat my husband at tennis. I asked him, Are we going to have sex again? He said, Yes, but not with each other.

Rita Rudner

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Rita Rudner
Age: 71
Born: 1953
Born: September 17
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Voice Actor
Miami
Florida
Men
Husband
Asked
Humor
Lose
Loses
Tennis
Funny
Beat
Hate
Beats
Going
Sex

More quotes by Rita Rudner

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Going out to eat is expensive. I was out at one restaurant and they didn't have prices on the menu. Just faces with different expressions of horror.
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I burned sixty calories. That should take care of a peanut I had in 1962.
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No man is charming all of the time. Even Cary Grant is on record saying he wished he could be Cary Grant.
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I work for myself, which is fun. Except when I call in sick, I know I'm lying.
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Halloween was confusing. All my life my parents said, Never take candy from strangers. And then they dressed me up and said, Go beg for it. I didn't know what to do. I'd knock on people's doors and go, Trick or treat.
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I have too many credit cards. You know what happened? Someone stole one and I didn't notice. I noticed when I got that bill. Whoa! It was so much less! I'm letting him keep it. I'm saving money!
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My mother is such a lousy cook that Thanksgiving at her house is a time of sorrow.
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It takes six months to get into shape and two weeks to get out of shape. Once you know this you can stop being angry about other things in life and only be angry about this.
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If your husband has difficulty getting to sleep, the words 'we need to talk about our relationship' may help.
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Never take candy from strangers.
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Men accept compliments much better than women do. Example: Mitch, you look great. Mitch: Thanks. On the other side: Ruth, you look great. Ruth: I do? Must be the lighting.
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Men like to barbecue. Men will cook if danger is involved.
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I hate learning through experience. Just once I'd like to learn something because someone was nice enough to tell me in advance.
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When a woman tries on clothing from her closet that feels tight, she will assume she has gained weight. When a man tries something from his closet that feels tight, he will assume the clothing has shrunk.
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I loved my mother very much, but she was not a good cook. Most turkeys taste better the day after my mother's tasted better the day before. In our house Thanksgiving was a time for sorrow.
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I'll never understand why people go to movie theaters to have conversations. Going to the movies to talk is like going to a restaurant to cook. The idea is that you have paid your money to have someone do something better than you can do it yourself.
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Be careful of men who are bald and rich the arrogance of rich usually cancels out the nice of bald.
Rita Rudner
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All men think that they're nice guys. Some of them are not. Contact me for a list of names.
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One of my first office jobs was cleaning the windows on brown envelopes.
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The time you spend grieving over a man should never exceed the amount of time you actually spent with him
Rita Rudner