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No man is charming all of the time. Even Cary Grant is on record saying he wished he could be Cary Grant.

Rita Rudner

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Rita Rudner
Age: 71
Born: 1953
Born: September 17
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Voice Actor
Miami
Florida
Record
Humor
Records
Saying
Cary
Funny
Wished
Even
Grant
Men
Grants
Time
Charming

More quotes by Rita Rudner

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I hate learning through experience. Just once I'd like to learn something because someone was nice enough to tell me in advance.
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When four or more men get together, they talk about sports.
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I was a ballerina. I had to quit after I injured a groin muscle. It wasn't mine.
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Someday I want to be rich. Some people get so rich they lose all respect for humanity. That's how rich I want to be.
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Why are women wearing perfumes that smell like flowers to attract men? Men don't like flowers. I have a great idea for a scent that will attract men - how about New Car Interior?
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I have too many credit cards. You know what happened? Someone stole one and I didn't notice. I noticed when I got that bill. Whoa! It was so much less! I'm letting him keep it. I'm saving money!
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A saleslady holds up an ugly dress and says, 'This looks much better on.' On what? On fire?
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I had no desire to be a stand-up comic until I decided to do it.
Rita Rudner
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Going out to eat is expensive. I was out at one restaurant and they didn't have prices on the menu. Just faces with different expressions of horror.
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Men like phones with lots of buttons. It makes them feel important.
Rita Rudner
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A good place to meet a man is at the dry cleaner. These men usually have jobs and bathe.
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Men do not like to admit to even momentary imperfection. My husband forgot the code to turn off the alarm. When the police came, he wouldn't admit he'd forgotten the code... he turned himself in.
Rita Rudner
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I loved my mother very much, but she was not a good cook. Most turkeys taste better the day after my mother's tasted better the day before. In our house Thanksgiving was a time for sorrow.
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The time you spend grieving over a man should never exceed the amount of time you actually spent with him
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Men don't live well by themselves. They don't even live like people. They live like bears with furniture.
Rita Rudner
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I burned sixty calories. That should take care of a peanut I had in 1962.
Rita Rudner
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Men who consistently leave the toilet seat up secretly want women to get up to go the bathroom in the middle of the night and fall in.
Rita Rudner
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Men accept compliments much better than women do. Example: Mitch, you look great. Mitch: Thanks. On the other side: Ruth, you look great. Ruth: I do? Must be the lighting.
Rita Rudner
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Men have higher body temperatures than women. If your heating goes out in winter, I recommend sleeping next to a man. Men are like portable heaters that snore.
Rita Rudner
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Men who listen to classical music tend not to spit.
Rita Rudner