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No man is charming all of the time. Even Cary Grant is on record saying he wished he could be Cary Grant.

Rita Rudner

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Rita Rudner
Age: 71
Born: 1953
Born: September 17
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Voice Actor
Miami
Florida
Time
Charming
Record
Humor
Records
Saying
Cary
Funny
Wished
Even
Grant
Men
Grants

More quotes by Rita Rudner

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Most women are introspective: Am I in love? Am I emotionally and creatively fulfilled? Most men are outrospective: Did my team win? How's my car?
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I loved my mother very much, but she was not a good cook. Most turkeys taste better the day after my mother's tasted better the day before. In our house Thanksgiving was a time for sorrow.
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An amicable divorce is like a ventilated condom it just doesn't work.
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Wives are people who think it's against the law not to answer the phone when it rings.
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Men who consistently leave the toilet seat up secretly want women to get up to go the bathroom in the middle of the night and fall in.
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I get so happy when I write a joke. It's a very satisfying, liberating feeling.
Rita Rudner
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I'll never understand why people go to movie theaters to have conversations. Going to the movies to talk is like going to a restaurant to cook. The idea is that you have paid your money to have someone do something better than you can do it yourself.
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I never know what to get my father for his birthday. I gave him a hundred dollars and said, 'Buy yourself something that will make your life easier.' So he went out and bought a present for my mother.
Rita Rudner
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Envy the kangaroo. That pouch setup is extraordinary the baby crawls out of the womb when it is about two inches long, gets into the pouch, and proceeds to mature. I'd have a baby if it would develop in my handbag.
Rita Rudner
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I want to have children, but my friends scare me. One of my friends told me she was in labor for 36 hours. I don't even want to do anything that feels good for 36 hours.
Rita Rudner
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When I eventually met Mr. Right I had no idea that his first name was Always.
Rita Rudner
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I suffer from peroxide phobia. Every time I've gotten near a blond woman, something of mine has disappeared. Jobs, boyfriends... one time an angora sweater leaped right off my body.
Rita Rudner
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There are different kinds of humor, some is sarcastic, some introspective. Introspective fit my personality better.
Rita Rudner
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Not one man in a beer commercial has a beerbelly.
Rita Rudner
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Men who are going bald often wear baseball caps.
Rita Rudner
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If I say a joke and the audience laughs it makes me feel good.
Rita Rudner
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All men think that they're nice guys. Some of them are not. Contact me for a list of names.
Rita Rudner
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Women take clothing much more seriously than men. I've never seen a man walk into a party and say Oh, my God, I'm so embarrassed get me out of here. There's another man wearing a black tuxedo.
Rita Rudner
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When four or more men get together, they talk about sports.
Rita Rudner
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I was a ballerina. I had to quit after I injured a groin muscle. It wasn't mine.
Rita Rudner