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Men own basketball teams. Every year cheerleaders' outfits get tighter and briefer, and players' shorts get baggier and longer.
Rita Rudner
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Rita Rudner
Age: 71
Born: 1953
Born: September 17
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Voice Actor
Miami
Florida
Funny
Teams
Every
Players
Years
Basketball
Men
Humor
Cheerleaders
Longer
Tighter
Player
Cheerleader
Team
Outfits
Year
Shorts
More quotes by Rita Rudner
Men who listen to classical music tend not to spit.
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The time you spend grieving over a man should never exceed the amount of time you actually spent with him
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I don't think jogging is healthy, especially morning jogging. If morning joggers knew how tempting they looked to morning motorists, they would stay home and do sit-ups.
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Some women hold up dresses that are so ugly and they always say the same thing: 'This looks much better on.' On what? On fire?
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I love to shop after a bad relationship. I don't know. I buy a new outfit and it makes me feel better. It just does. Sometimes I see a really great outfit, I'll break up with someone on purpose.
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If your husband has difficulty getting to sleep, the words 'we need to talk about our relationship' may help.
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Men don't mature. Marry a younger one.
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Men don't feel the urge to get married as quickly as women do because their clothes all button and zip in the front. Women's dresses usually button and zip in the back. We need men emotionally and sexually, but we also need men to help us get dressed.
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An amicable divorce is like a ventilated condom it just doesn't work.
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I had no desire to be a stand-up comic until I decided to do it.
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I adore being hitched. It's so extraordinary to discover one unique individual you need to irritate for whatever remains of your life.
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Men are self-confident because they grow up identifying with super-heroes. Women have bad self-images because they grow up identifying with Barbie.
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Most turkeys taste better the day after my mother's tasted better the day before.
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Yes, I've now got this nice little apartment in New York, one of those L-shaped ones. Unfortunately, it's a lower case l.
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I want to have children, but my friends scare me. One of my friends told me she was in labor for 36 hours. I don't even want to do anything that feels good for 36 hours.
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My new dress. Do you like it? It's from my favorite designer, On Sale.
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Only men who have worn a ski suit understand how complicated it is for a woman to go to the bathroom when she's wearing a jumpsuit.
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Neurotics build castles in the air, psychotics live in them. My mother cleans them.
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Life is tough enough without having someone kick you from the inside.
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I loved my mother very much, but she was not a good cook. Most turkeys taste better the day after my mother's tasted better the day before. In our house Thanksgiving was a time for sorrow.
Rita Rudner