Quote

Men own basketball teams. Every year cheerleaders' outfits get tighter and briefer, and players' shorts get baggier and longer.

Rita Rudner

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Rita Rudner
Age: 71
Born: 1953
Born: September 17
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Voice Actor
Miami
Florida
Funny
Teams
Every
Players
Years
Basketball
Men
Humor
Cheerleaders
Longer
Tighter
Player
Cheerleader
Team
Outfits
Year
Shorts

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I love to shop after a bad relationship. I don't know. I buy a new outfit and it makes me feel better. It just does. Sometimes I see a really great outfit, I'll break up with someone on purpose.
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Most women are introspective: Am I in love? Am I emotionally and creatively fulfilled? Most men are outrospective: Did my team win? How's my car?
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You know the oxygen masks on airplanes? I don't think there's really any oxygen. I think they're just to muffle the screams.
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Men reach their sexual peak at eighteen. Women reach theirs at thirty-five. Do you get the feeling that God is playing a practical joke?
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Someday I want to be rich. Some people get so rich they lose all respect for humanity. That's how rich I want to be.
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Men who consistently leave the toilet seat up secretly want women to get up to go the bathroom in the middle of the night and fall in.
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When four or more men get together, they talk about sports.
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Never take candy from strangers.
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A good place to meet a man is at the dry cleaner. These men usually have jobs and bathe.
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No man is charming all of the time. Even Cary Grant is on record saying he wished he could be Cary Grant.
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After you've dated someone it should be legal to stamp them with what's wrong with them so the next person doesn't have to start from scratch.
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I jogged for three miles once. It was the worst three hours of my life.
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Los Angeles is a very transient town. It's the only place I know where you can actually rent a dog.
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Men don't feel the urge to get married as quickly as women do because their clothes all button and zip in the front. Women's dresses usually button and zip in the back. We need men emotionally and sexually, but we also need men to help us get dressed.
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I don't like when there's too much conversation because I'm shy and it makes me uncomfortable.
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I have been doing leg lifts faithfully for about fifteen years, and the only thing that has gotten thinner is the carpet where I have been doing the leg lifts.
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Men have an easier time buying bathing suits. Women have two types: depressing and more depressing. Men have two types: nerdy and not nerdy.
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Men are sensitive in strange ways. If a man has built a fire and the last log does not burn, he will take it personally.
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I want to have children, but my friends scare me. One of my friends told me she was in labor for 36 hours. I don't even want to do anything that feels good for 36 hours.
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