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All men think that they're nice guys. Some of them are not. Contact me for a list of names.

Rita Rudner

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Rita Rudner
Age: 71
Born: 1953
Born: September 17
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Voice Actor
Miami
Florida
Humor
Names
Nice
Guy
Funny
List
Men
Lists
Think
Contact
Thinking
Guys

More quotes by Rita Rudner

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A good place to meet a man is at the dry cleaner. These men usually have jobs and bathe.
Rita Rudner
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The word 'aerobics' came about when the gym instructors got together and said: If we're going to charge $10 an hour, we can't call it Jumping up and down.
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I had the most boring office job in the world...I used to clean the windows on envelopes.
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Men don't feel the urge to get married as quickly as women do because their clothes all button and zip in the front. Women's dresses usually button and zip in the back. We need men emotionally and sexually, but we also need men to help us get dressed.
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Men are brave enough to go to war, but they are not brave enough to get a bikini wax.
Rita Rudner
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When you're a dancer, you start with the basics. You don't all of a sudden do a grand jete and pirouette. You start with first position, second, third.
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Men own basketball teams. Every year cheerleaders' outfits get tighter and briefer, and players' shorts get baggier and longer.
Rita Rudner
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After you've dated someone it should be legal to stamp them with what's wrong with them so the next person doesn't have to start from scratch.
Rita Rudner
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If I say a joke and the audience laughs it makes me feel good.
Rita Rudner
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My boyfriend and I broke up. He wanted to get married and I didn't want him to.
Rita Rudner
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Men who are going bald often wear baseball caps.
Rita Rudner
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A saleslady holds up an ugly dress and says, 'This looks much better on.' On what? On fire?
Rita Rudner
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I adore being hitched. It's so extraordinary to discover one unique individual you need to irritate for whatever remains of your life.
Rita Rudner
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When a woman tries on clothing from her closet that feels tight, she will assume she has gained weight. When a man tries something from his closet that feels tight, he will assume the clothing has shrunk.
Rita Rudner
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When I eventually met Mr. Right I had no idea that his first name was Always.
Rita Rudner
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Most women are introspective: Am I in love? Am I emotionally and creatively fulfilled? Most men are outrospective: Did my team win? How's my car?
Rita Rudner
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When four or more men get together, they talk about sports.
Rita Rudner
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Men do cry, but only when assembling furniture.
Rita Rudner
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Los Angeles is a very transient town. It's the only place I know where you can actually rent a dog.
Rita Rudner
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I have too many credit cards. You know what happened? Someone stole one and I didn't notice. I noticed when I got that bill. Whoa! It was so much less! I'm letting him keep it. I'm saving money!
Rita Rudner