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Be careful of men who are bald and rich the arrogance of rich usually cancels out the nice of bald.

Rita Rudner

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Rita Rudner
Age: 71
Born: 1953
Born: September 17
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Voice Actor
Miami
Florida
Men
Bald
Arrogance
Careful
Usually
Humor
Rich
Nice
Funny
Cancels

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A good place to meet a man is at the dry cleaner. These men usually have jobs and bathe.
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The way a man looks at himself in a mirror will tell you if he can ever care about anyone else.
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The time you spend grieving over a man should never exceed the amount of time you actually spent with him
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If I say a joke and the audience laughs it makes me feel good.
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I get so happy when I write a joke. It's a very satisfying, liberating feeling.
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My husband gave me a necklace. It's fake. I requested fake. Maybe I'm paranoid, but in this day and age, I don't want something around my neck that's worth more than my head.
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Most women are introspective: Am I in love? Am I emotionally and creatively fulfilled? Most men are outrospective: Did my team win? How's my car?
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An amicable divorce is like a ventilated condom it just doesn't work.
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It takes six months to get into shape and two weeks to get out of shape. Once you know this you can stop being angry about other things in life and only be angry about this.
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You know it's love when you want to keep holding hands even after you're sweaty.
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Men would like monogamy better if it sounded less like monotony.
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Men have an easier time buying bathing suits. Women have two types: depressing and more depressing. Men have two types: nerdy and not nerdy.
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Men don't mature. Marry a younger one.
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My father watched football with the sound off because he lived in fear of hearing the voice of Howard Cosell.
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Why are women wearing perfumes that smell like flowers to attract men? Men don't like flowers. I have a great idea for a scent that will attract men - how about New Car Interior?
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The word 'aerobics' came about when the gym instructors got together and said: If we're going to charge $10 an hour, we can't call it Jumping up and down.
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How come when you mix water and flour together you get glue...and then you add eggs and sugar and you get cake? Where does the glue go?
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I suffer from peroxide phobia. Every time I've gotten near a blond woman, something of mine has disappeared. Jobs, boyfriends... one time an angora sweater leaped right off my body.
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I was a ballerina. I had to quit after I injured a groin muscle. It wasn't mine.
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I loved my mother very much, but she was not a good cook. Most turkeys taste better the day after my mother's tasted better the day before. In our house Thanksgiving was a time for sorrow.
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