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Be careful of men who are bald and rich the arrogance of rich usually cancels out the nice of bald.
Rita Rudner
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Rita Rudner
Age: 71
Born: 1953
Born: September 17
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Voice Actor
Miami
Florida
Usually
Humor
Rich
Nice
Funny
Cancels
Men
Bald
Arrogance
Careful
More quotes by Rita Rudner
I get so happy when I write a joke. It's a very satisfying, liberating feeling.
Rita Rudner
I know I want to have children while my parents are still young enough to take care of them.
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If your husband has difficulty getting to sleep, the words 'we need to talk about our relationship' may help.
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My boyfriend and I broke up. He wanted to get married and I didn't want him to.
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Men don't feel the urge to get married as quickly as women do because their clothes all button and zip in the front. Women's dresses usually button and zip in the back. We need men emotionally and sexually, but we also need men to help us get dressed.
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All men think that they're nice guys. Some of them are not. Contact me for a list of names.
Rita Rudner
Men reach their sexual peak at eighteen. Women reach theirs at thirty-five. Do you get the feeling that God is playing a practical joke?
Rita Rudner
Some women hold up dresses that are so ugly and they always say the same thing: 'This looks much better on.' On what? On fire?
Rita Rudner
I love to write jokes and that's all I think about.
Rita Rudner
Men don't mature. Marry a younger one.
Rita Rudner
When I eventually met Mr. Right I had no idea that his first name was Always.
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Neurotics build castles in the air, psychotics live in them. My mother cleans them.
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My mother is such a lousy cook that Thanksgiving at her house is a time of sorrow.
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Life is tough enough without having someone kick you from the inside.
Rita Rudner
One of my first office jobs was cleaning the windows on brown envelopes.
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My cousin just got married for the totally wrong reasons. She married a man for money. She wasn't real subtle about it. Instead of calling him her fiancé, she kept calling him her financee.
Rita Rudner
I burned sixty calories. That should take care of a peanut I had in 1962.
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There are different kinds of humor, some is sarcastic, some introspective. Introspective fit my personality better.
Rita Rudner
When a woman tries on clothing from her closet that feels tight, she will assume she has gained weight. When a man tries something from his closet that feels tight, he will assume the clothing has shrunk.
Rita Rudner
I had no desire to be a stand-up comic until I decided to do it.
Rita Rudner