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An amicable divorce is like a ventilated condom it just doesn't work.

Rita Rudner

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Rita Rudner
Age: 71
Born: 1953
Born: September 17
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Voice Actor
Miami
Florida
Amicable
Condom
Divorce
Doesn
Work
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More quotes by Rita Rudner

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My boyfriend and I broke up. He wanted to get married and I didn't want him to.
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I have too many credit cards. You know what happened? Someone stole one and I didn't notice. I noticed when I got that bill. Whoa! It was so much less! I'm letting him keep it. I'm saving money!
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I want to have young children although my mother and father are even now young sufficient to just take care of them.
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I have been doing leg lifts faithfully for about fifteen years, and the only thing that has gotten thinner is the carpet where I have been doing the leg lifts.
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Men don't feel the urge to get married as quickly as women do because their clothes all button and zip in the front. Women's dresses usually button and zip in the back. We need men emotionally and sexually, but we also need men to help us get dressed.
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Never take candy from strangers.
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I jogged for three miles once. It was the worst three hours of my life.
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Neurotics build castles in the air, psychotics live in them. My mother cleans them.
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One of my first office jobs was cleaning the windows on brown envelopes.
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A saleslady holds up an ugly dress and says, 'This looks much better on.' On what? On fire?
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When a woman tries on clothing from her closet that feels tight, she will assume she has gained weight. When a man tries something from his closet that feels tight, he will assume the clothing has shrunk.
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I work for myself, which is fun. Except when I call in sick, I know I'm lying.
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My mother is such a lousy cook that Thanksgiving at her house is a time of sorrow.
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My Vegas act is how I make my money.
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When you're a dancer, you start with the basics. You don't all of a sudden do a grand jete and pirouette. You start with first position, second, third.
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Thirty, I really like you but I still have to see other people.
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My father watched football with the sound off because he lived in fear of hearing the voice of Howard Cosell.
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Men are sensitive in strange ways. If a man has built a fire and the last log does not burn, he will take it personally.
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Most turkeys taste better the day after my mother's tasted better the day before.
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I want to have children, but my friends scare me. One of my friends told me she was in labor for 36 hours. I don't even want to do anything that feels good for 36 hours.
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